


Waves

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Kim Seokjin | Jin-centric, Leukemia, Minor Character Death, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Terminal Illnesses, Two Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-08-06 03:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16380509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: “It’s leukemia.”Seokjin felt like the world around him slowed to a stop.He had just thought it was stress. But then the fatigue wouldn’t go away even though he slept for twelve hours, and he kept losing weight despite eating well. So he was sent to the hospital to be examined. He was poked and prodded at for an hour and now he was sat here in the doctor's office three days later.“It’s a type of cancer that originates from the bone marrow, it causes a high number of abnormal white blood cells which is what caused your fatigue and fever. It is also the cause of your bruises.”“Wh- what do I” Seokjin stumbled over his words, “How do you fix it?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think, I really want to get better at writing so do not be afraid to critizise me.
> 
> I have a lot going on so the updates might be a bit sporatic but I have a couple chapters already planned out so I'll try and update every monday for at least three weeks xoxo

“It’s leukemia.”

Seokjin felt like the world around him slowed to a stop. 

He had just thought it was stress. But then the fatigue wouldn’t go away even though he slept for twelve hours, and he kept losing weight despite eating well. So he was sent to the hospital to be examined. He was poked and prodded at for an hour and now he was sat here in the doctor's office three days later. 

“It’s a type of cancer that originates from the bone marrow, it causes a high number of abnormal white blood cells which is what caused your fatigue and fever. It is also the cause of your bruises.”

“Wh- what do I” Seokjin stumbled over his words, “How do you fix it?”

“Chemotherapy would be your first option,” the doctor said, grabbing some pamphlets and handing them to him, “we’ll need to do more tests to specify what treatment would work best for you.”

Seokjin nodded absentmindedly as he flicked through the pamphlets, reading the titles.

_What is cancer_

_What is leukemia_

_How to deal with your diagnosis_

_You are not alone - reach out!_

When Seokjin got back to the dorms he quickly greeted the members gathered in the living room before going to his room. He hid the pamphlets underneath some books on his nightstand. He knew the others were concerned, now even more so as he didn’t answer their questions about his doctors visit. Seokjin had seen the worried glances his members had sent each other when he had to rest against the wall after dance practice when he could usually stay for hours afterwards to continue practising. The pointed looks when they saw the amount of concealer the makeup noonas had to put under his eyes to cover his dark circles when they all knew he had slept for ages the night before. 

Seokjin would consider himself a happy guy. He enjoyed making people laugh with his shitty puns and goofy attitude. He had hated these last couple months when his members would go out of their way to make sure he ate and rested properly. _He_ was the oldest, it’s his job to take care of them, to worry about them, not the other way around. It had been Namjoon’s insistence that made Seokjin finally make the appointment with his doctor. He had agreed quickly as he realised that the others worrying about him hurt them. That they couldn’t relax properly as they acted as mother hens instead of working or goofing of. 

Seokjin was snapped out of his thoughts when Yoongi suddenly came into their shared room. 

“Those boys are way too loud.” Yoongi complained, throwing himself on the bed.

“Headache?” Seokjin could make out a weak nod from underneath the pillow Yoongi had put over his face, “I’ll get you some water and a tylenol.” 

Seokjin placed the water and pill bottle on the nightstand and sat down next to yoongi. He helped him sit up and take a drink before yoongi collapsed back on the bed. He quietly took off the younger man's shoes and pulled the covers over him. He patted Yoongi’s back and turned off the lights. 

“Let me know if you need anything Yoongi-ah.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you hyung”

* * *

Seokjin stared himself in the mirror and took note of how his cheeks had become sunken in, how the dark circles seemed all the more prominent in the bright lightening in the bathroom. He had turned on the water in the shower and the mirror was fogging up so he took that as a sign to get in. He let the water wash over him, not wanting to get out anytime soon. 

How was he supposed to tell the others? He could already see the reactions in front of him. They’d all be upset, Jimin and Jungkook would be the ones to actually show it. They’d try to cover it up but they’re not good actors. Taehyung and Hoseok would be assuring him that he’d be fine, that he’s strong and can fight it, easily. Namjoon would promise that they’d be there for him, that they’d take care of him. Yoongi would probably leave to process the whole thing on his own. He’d come into their room later and curl up next to Seokjin, he’d say nothing but his embrace would be enough, you’ll be fine.

Seokjin could feel his eyes stinging and realised he was crying. He slapped his face to make himself stop but it only made him more upset. Why did this have to happen? They were only a month away from their comeback and this was the album that he had the most lines in. The universe must be punishing him. But for what? Maybe for being greedy and constantly wanting more. If he was satisfied then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. He knew he was being unreasonable, that this is outside of everyones control but he wanted a reason for this, something or someone to blame. 

When he finally got out of the shower he wiped the mirror to see his reflection. He didn’t look good, his eyes red and puffy, his skin pale and flushed. He plugged in the hairdryer and quickly dried his hair. When he looked himself in the mirror again he was glad to see that his eyes weren’t as red anymore, though the dark circles were still there. He considered putting on some concealer but opted against it, he was going to bed in a couple hours anyways.  
He took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. He was met by Namjoon sat at the kitchen island with his computer, with a quick glance he saw a sound editor program up on the screen. He shook his head fondly, ever the workaholic. 

“Have you guys eaten yet?”

Namjoon startled and took off his headphones. 

“Sorry what?”

“Have you guys eaten yet?” Namjoon shook his head, “I’ll make us something then.”

Seokjin went rooting around the cupboards and fridge to find something to make. He enjoyed cooking but tonight he didn’t have the energy to make anything fancy, not like there was any ingredients to use anyways. So he opted to make a simple noodle soup, it’d be nice since he always seemed to be cold these days. Apparently one of the symptoms of his … illness. 

* * *

They all gathered in the living room for dinner, even Yoongi as his headache had lessened. It was like any normal dinner but they could all tell there was an elephant in the room. Seokjin went out of his way to joke around, anything to prolong the inevitable conversation. 

“You punks!” Seokjin exclaimed, “I’ve told you so many times to be more quiet, Yoongi has a headache.”

They at least had the decency of looking ashamed but Jungkook and Taehyung started being loud again after just a few minutes with Jimin and Hoseok quickly being pulled into the vortex. Seokjin and Yoongi locked eyes and shook their heads. Even though Yoongi had the image of being cold he was just as susceptible to the younger boys charms and couldn't hide his fond smile. Seokjin handed him an advil and Yoongi left the room to go back to bed, patting his shoulder in thanks.

Seokjin was listening and laughing along to the other members banter when Namjoon quietly spoke up next to him “How did the doctor’s visit go?”

“Fine, they said it was fatigue and stress.” Seokjin lied with a small smile, “I apparently have some vitamin deficiency so I got a prescription for some supplements.”

The others seemed to quiet down to hear their conversation and looked at Seokjin with worry.

“You have to take better care of yourself,” Jimin said softly, “you’re always taking care of us but never yourself.”

“Well you guys need a lot of care with how messy and reckless you are.” Seokjin teased, “You’re like puppies!”

“Hey we’re not that bad!” Jungkook exclaimed, mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Tell the truth.” the lighthearted mood in the room was disrupted by Yoongi hard voice.

Seokjin looked up and to his horror saw what Yoongi was holding in a clenched fist. The pamphlets.


	2. Chapter 2

Yoongi stumbled into his and Seokjin's shared room and immediately started searching for some painkillers. He had swallowed the pill Seokjin had given him but knew he needed something stronger and rummaged his desk for something but couldn’t find any. He looked over at Seokjin’s bedside table and hoped his hyung had some. In his hurry to pull the drawer open he jostled the table and the things on top fell off. He cursed but continued his search and found the medicine he was looking for and quickly swallowed it, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes in an attempt to block out the painful light. He didn’t know how long he sat there on the floor but it couldn’t have been long. 

He considered getting into bed without cleaning up the mess he’d created but felt too bad to leave the mess for Seokjin to pick up. He placed the clock and the books on the table and was about to get up when he noticed some papers underneath the bed. He quickly reached for them and tried to read the blurry letters and when he finally got his eyes to focus he was confused. Why would Seokjin have these pamphlets? No, that can’t be real. Not Seokjin, it was just stress, that's what he had assured them all time and time again. 

He stormed out of the room and heard Seokjin straight up lie to the members. He couldn’t believe this, why did he have to be such a good actor. They deserved to know the truth and now Seokjin was teasing them, laughing like he hadn’t just told them the biggest lie.

“Tell the truth.” Yoongi didn’t mean for his voice to sound so cold but he was just so… angry. 

When he saw Seokjin's look of realisation at what he was holding he slammed the papers on the table so everyone could see. They deserved to know the truth. He thought they were closer than this, that Seokjin had finally dropped his stupid mask in front of them. 

“Yoongi…” 

Seokjin’s voice sounded so weak and Yoongi realised, Seokjin had found out today. That he had just forced the truth out of a man that hadn’t even come to terms with it himself. He could feel shame brewing in his stomach, if he felt so scared over this realisation it was nothing compared to what his hyung was feeling. He opened his mouth to apologise when he saw Jungkook reach for the pamphlets. 

“What is this?” Namjoon asked, his usually confident voice sounded so unsure.

“I was going to tell you,” Seokjin’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I just needed some time to… I don't know… deal with it.”

“You have cancer?” Jungkook voice was laced with confusion.

Seokjin nodded, still not looking up at any of them. Yoongi noticed how his hands were curled into fists and could see the other man's knuckles turning white from how hard he was clenching them. He suddenly stood up and walked out of the room. Yoongi could feel his shame tenfold when he realised the older man had tears in his eyes. He stood there looking at the others. Jimin and Hoseok had tears in their eyes, Taehyung seemed to not even be there, to far in his head to cope with what had just transpired. Jungkook was still looking at the pamphlets and Yoongi saw how they had wet spots on them. Namjoon was just sitting still, if the room had been quiet Yoongi would swear that you’d be able to hear the gears turning in his head as he was trying to make sense of it all. 

His attention was pulled away when he heard the front door open and close. Yoongi sighed and sat down next to the youngest, placing an arm around him and pulling him close. He could feel his heart break when a sob rippled through the younger man’s body as he clung to Yoongi's shirt, hiding his face in his shoulder. Namjoon suddenly stood up, probably to follow Seokjin.

* * *

Namjoon hurried to find Seokjin, he shouldn’t be alone right now. As he pulled on his coat he saw Seokjin’s hanging there so he quickly grabbed it before storming outside. As he stepped outside he realised he didn’t know where his hyung had gone. He pulled out his phone and quickly called him, praying to a god he didn’t believe in that he’d pick up. 

_“Hello.” ___

____

“Hey hyung, where are you?”

_“I just want to be alone for a while. I don’t want to talk about it.” ___

____

“Look, it’s really cold out and you don’t have a coat, just let me come give it to you and we’ll just sit in silence.”

____

Namjoon could only hear the wind blowing from the other line. 

____

“I’ll leave right after you get your coat if you want me to but I don’t want you to get sick.” Namjoon couldn’t help but cringe at the word sick, Seokjin already was. He could feel the lump in his throat grow when he thought about it, his eldest hyung had fuckin cancer. How could this happen?

____

_“I’m in the park a couple blocks down.” ___

______ _ _

“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

______ _ _

Namjoon quickly made his way to the park and saw a form sat on a bench. He placed the coat over Seokjin's shoulders when he reached the man. He was unsure if he should sit down or leave like he’d said but decided since Seokjin hadn’t told him to leave yet he’d join him on the bench. 

______ _ _

They sat there in silence for a while before it seemed like Seokjin couldn’t handle the silence anymore. 

______ _ _

“Thank you.”

______ _ _

“I just didn’t want you to be cold.” 

______ _ _

“Not that,” Seokjin stopped as if unsure, “you always seem to know what to do when one of us is upset. I really shouldn’t be alone right now.”

______ _ _

“We’re family hyung, and we know each other well.” Namjoon smirked, “I mean we’ve lived together for like 7 years now, how could we not?”

______ _ _

Seokjin smiled at him and scooted closer to him on the bench. Resting his head on the younger mans shoulder. 

______ _ _

“What are you going to do?” Namjoon asked quietly, “What does the treatment plan look like?”

______ _ _

“The doctor said chemotherapy would be the best option but they want to do some more tests before i start treatment.”

______ _ _

“When?”

______ _ _

“On thursday. They want to do a bone marrow biopsy.” Namjoon could feel the older man shiver, he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the thought of the biopsy.

______ _ _

“I’ll come with you.” Namjoon assured and felt a nod in response.

______ _ _

“They said the biopsy hurts, its a huge needle.”

______ _ _

“It’ll be fine, I’ll be right there holding your hand if you need it.” he made his point by grabbing his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

______ _ _

* * *

______ _ _

Hoseok walked into his and Jimin's room, he sighed when he was him curled up on his bed that looked too big. Damn, they were all a mess right now. He had watched Yoongi get Jungkook into his room and to bed, so he took it upon himself to take care of Taehyung who hadn’t moved a muscle since the pamphlets were slammed on the table. The younger man was practically comatose and Hoseok had to lead him the whole way to bed. He at least felt some relief that Namjoon shared a room with Taehyung since he was always such a calming presence. The leader would take good care of him when he got back.

______ _ _

“Is Seokjin going to die?” Jimin's voice sounded so small and Hoseok immediately got into the bed with him. 

______ _ _

“No of course not, hyung is strong. He can fight this.” Hoseok wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure, Jimin or himself, “I’m sure of it.”

______ _ _

“Yeah,” Jimin curled up to the older man’s chest and Hoseok wrapped his arms around him, “we’ll be there with him right?”

______ _ _

“Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”

______ _ _

“If they force us to go on tour without him.”

______ _ _

“We’ll refuse.” Hoseok hadn’t even thought about the comeback, he really hoped he wasn’t lying to Jimin right now.

______ _ _

He wrapped his arms tighter around the smaller man.

______ _ _

“We won’t leave him when he needs us the most.”

______ _ _

* * *

______ _ _

“Hyung?” Yoongi sat up on his bed when the door opened and Seokjin silently slipped inside.

______ _ _

“Yeah.” 

______ _ _

Yoongi watched as the older man got ready for bed, not sure of how to apologise. He considered waiting to do it tomorrow, when his headache was finally gone and they weren’t so tired. But he knew himself, he’d keep pushing it away until it was forgotten and he couldn’t not apologise, especially now. 

______ _ _

“I’m sorry.” he blurted it out.

______ _ _

“It’s okay.”

______ _ _

Yoongi sighed, so typical of the eldest member, to forgive so easily even when the person receiving forgiveness didn’t deserve it.

______ _ _

“It’s not though,” Yoongi turned to Seokjin's side of the room, he was lying turned away from him and Yoongi wanted to storm over there and make him look at him, “I forced it out of you when you hadn’t even come to terms with it yet.”

______ _ _

“You were all going to find out anyways, better to rip the bandage of quickly.”

______ _ _

“Not when the wound is still bleeding tough. I was an asshole, I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

______ _ _

“It’s okay Yoongi, just go to sleep.”

______ _ _

“How can you forgive so easily?” Yoongi could never understand this, he doesn’t think he ever will.

______ _ _

Seokjin suddenly sat up and turned to Yoongi, “What do you want Yoongi? Do you want me to be mad at you over something that we can’t change now?”

______ _ _

Yoongi shook his head, ashamed to look at the eldest. 

______ _ _

“Look, what you did was wrong but I get it. You’re an honest person, straight to the point so it makes sense that you’d be angry and when we’re angry we do stupid thing so I’m not going to go around being upset with you.” Yoongi always hated when Seokjin made sense. 

______ _ _

Seokjin laid back down so Yoongi did as well but he could already tell he wouldn’t be getting any sleep. Time for another night of staring at the ceiling.

______ _ _

“Yoongi.”

______ _ _

“Hmm?”

______ _ _

“Come here.”

______ _ _

Yoongi swears that Seokjin has superpowers, he always knows when they’re upset and exactly how to deal with it. He took his cover and pillow and dumped it on Seokjin's bed before climbing in. He felt unsure of what to do despite having shared a bed many times before. Seokjin's arms pulled him in and Yoongi found his head resting on the older man's chest. He listened to his heartbeat and slowly found himself calm down and eventually grow so tired he fell asleep.

______ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited for this story so here you get an early update! xoxo

Namjoon wanted to flinch when he saw Seokjin's face scrunch up in pain but he managed to keep his own emotions at bay, he needed to be strong for his hyung now even if the said man’s eyes were closed. He was glad he was unable to see the needle go in and take the bone marrow sample but he did see when the doctor pulled it out and placed it on a tray along with four other samples. He quickly placed a plaster on the puncture wound and patted his shoulder saying it was all done. Seokjin let go of his hand and Namjoon felt the blood finally return to his hand bringing pins and needles with it, he flexed his hand slightly before helping Seokjin sit up on the table.

“That wasn’t so bad was it?” the doctor smiled, writing something down on his chart.

“It was awful,” Seokjin admitted, reaching a hand to his back touching the plaster, “I never want to do that again.”

“I’m sorry mr Kim, there is unfortunately not a lot you can do to lessen the pain of the bone marrow biopsy,” the doctor said, voice sounding too clinical for Namjoons liking, “we’ll try to do more blood tests during your treatment but unfortunately you won't be able to escape the biopsy completely.” 

The doctor quickly left after that and Namjoon stepped outside to give Seokjin some privacy as he got dressed. Namjoon pulled out his phone and saw to his shock that they had only been there for about half an hour, it had felt like way longer as he had watched his hyung laying there in pain. 

Seokjin stepped into the hall and passed the keys to Namjoon without a word and headed for the exit with Namjoon hot on his heels. He noticed the older man walking a bit funny and couldn’t help but frown. He was with Seokjin on this, he really didn’t want him to have to do that again.

* * *

Taehyung was sat on the balcony, looking out over the beautiful city when he heard the front door open and close. He didn’t bother turning around despite hearing hushed whispers about him from the living room. He did turn around however when he heard a knock on the glass door and saw Seokjin-hyung standing there.

“Can I join you?” Taehyung nodded and Seokjin took a seat next to him on the couch, “How are you?” 

“You’re the one who’s sick, shouldn’t I be asking you that?” his tone came out harsher than intended and he flinched and looked up at the other man who just had a pained smile on his face, “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, I get that you’re upset.”

“Yeah,” he didn’t know what to say exactly so he just said the first thing that came to mind, “I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you, all of you.”

“We all deal with stuff differently, you just needed some time to process it, right?” Seokjin placed a comforting arm around his shoulders.

Taehyung nodded and looked down at his hands that were suddenly very interesting. He wanted to be able to say he had processed it but he really hadn’t. He couldn’t understand how Seokjin, undoubtedly the strongest of them all, at least mentally, the one who was always so kind and funny, had cancer. How could this be possible, how could the world be so cruel? 

“I don’t understand.” Taehyung said it so softly he thought the older man wouldn’t hear it.

“What don’t you understand?” Seokjin prompted softly, using his hand to make Taehyung look at him.

“I don’t understand why this is happening.”

“You know what, I don’t understand either,” Seokjin smiled softly at him, pulling him closer with the arm still wrapped around him, “it doesn't have any rhyme or reason, I’m just unlucky it seems.”

“It’s not fair.” Taehyung didn’t care that he sounded like a child, because it was true, it wasn’t fair.

“Maybe it’s the world punishing me for my stunning good looks.” Seokjin tried to joke but Taehyung didn’t laugh.

“It’s not funny.”

“I know,” he sounded serious now, “but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about it. I’ll try my hardest to fight this but I can't do it if I’m to stressed worrying about you guys.”

“I’m sorry.” god he was so selfish, here he was acting like a kid when his hyung just found out he had cancer, he felt a tear slip down his cheek and angrily wiped it away, “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey no, that's not what I meant. I didn’t mean for you to feel guilty! I just want you to be okay.” Seokjin pulled him in for a hug, “Tae it’s okay for you to cry, to be angry. It’s nothing wrong with that, just don’t keep it bottled up.”

And that seemed to be the final straw because Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from sobbing into his hyungs shoulder. The feelings he had been ignoring these last few days just bubbled up and he couldn’t keep them at bay anymore. He felt Seokjin rub his back and heard his comforting voice but couldn’t make out any words apart from two soft ones.

“It’s okay.”

* * *

Hoseok sat fidgeting in the backseat, he couldn’t help it, he was worried. He had been watching morning TV with Yoongi and Jimin when Namjoon had walked in telling Yoongi they needed to go to the BigHit office and Hoseok had a feeling what it was about so asked if he could come along to which Namjoon had agreed. He glanced at Yoongi beside him and could tell that despite the lack of fidgeting the older man was worried. Namjoon's hands were clenched tight around the steering wheel, a clear sign he wasn’t fairing much better. The only one in the car who seemed to be calm was Seokjin but he could be wearing a mask, you could never tell with the oldest. If he wanted to keep something to himself it would be.

So here they were, the hyungs of BTS sat across from three of their managers. The men looked all from worried to annoyed to angry and Hoseok was unable to stop tapping his foot until he felt a hand clamp down on his leg. He followed the arms length up to its owner and saw Namjoon staring straight ahead at the managers. Despite the calm picture their leader was displaying the firm grip on Hoseok's leg told otherwise. He placed his own hand on Namjoons and squeezed it reassuringly and saw the leaders shoulders drop slightly.

“What is this?” one of the managers said after the formalities were over and turned his laptop screen to them to display an article.

_BTS members Namjoon and Seokjin seen walking out of hospital together only four weeks before comeback! ___

__“Well,” one of the others asked expectantly, “what happened?”_ _

__Namjoon opened his mouth to speak but Seokjin was faster._ _

__“I had a bone marrow biopsy done yesterday, sir.”_ _

__“What why?”_ _

__Seokjin sighed and Hoseok saw Yoongi place a comforting hand on the eldest thigh._ _

__“This Monday I was diagnosed with leukemia,” Seokjin rushed it out, “they needed to do the biopsy in order to determine what course of action we should take in my treatment.”_ _

__“How come it took us five days to find this out?” the first one all but exclaimed, “And from a gossip magazine no less.”_ _

__“I’m sorry sir, it has been a lot to take in.” Seokjin looked down at his lap and Hoseok couldn't stop himself from placing a comforting hand on his hyungs shoulder._ _

__“This is bad timing.”_ _

__Hoseok could practically feel the temperature in the room rise from the anger radiating from both Namjoon and Yoongi, and if he was honest with himself he was probably contributing just as much. How could they be worried about bad timing when they just found out Seokjin has fucking cancer._ _

__“How can you be concerned about that?” Yoongi practically growled, “He has cancer and you’re worried about the fucking comeback?”_ _

__“Yoongi.” Seokjin hissed, shocked at the lack of respect the younger man displayed, “I’m very sorry sirs, he is just upset about my diagnosis.”_ _

__“Hyung don’t apologize, if this is how they treat you they don't deserve respect,” all six men were shocked by the words coming out of the leaders mouth, “we have already decided that we won’t do the comeback without hyung, I’ve already arranged for a press conference next week to address this as well as the reasons behind it.”_ _

__“What? You can’t do that.” the managers had risen to their feet in their shock._ _

__“We can and we will. We will be taking care of our hyung through all of this and you could only try to stop us.”_ _

__“Namjoon…” Seokjin said softly looking at the now standing leader._ _

__“Don’t worry hyung, I got this.”_ _

__“Don’t do this, you can still do the comeback without me!” Seokjin ignored him and stood as well, looking over Hoseok's head to look at Namjoon who seemed to only have time to send death glares towards the managers, “Come on don’t be stupid, you can easily replace me. No point in my illness dragging you down as well.”_ _

__“You should listen to your hyung,” one of the managers sneered, “he’s a smart man, he knows what's best for you.”_ _

__Before Hoseok knew what he was doing he stood up and started talking in a voice he’d never heard come out his mouth before, it was calm but deathly so._ _

__“You should think very carefully of the next words you’re going to utter. We have already decided that we are going to support our hyung. The way you’ve treated him today just goes to show that you people only care about the money we make you and not about us.” he paused slightly, gathering his thoughts, “He just told you he has cancer, a disease that could potentially kill him and you want us out on stage performing as if our hyung isn’t suffering. No _fucking _way.”___ _

____“Come on, we’re leaving.” Hoseok helped Yoongi lead the shocked Seokjin out to the car._ _ _ _

____Once they were sat in the car they stayed in the parking lot, taking in what had just transpired. They sat in silence for about ten minutes before a soft giggle was heard, Hoseok turned to Yoongi to see him covering his mouth. Soon enough all four of them burst out laughing. They laughed so hard their stomachs hurt, they tried to get out words but were unable to._ _ _ _

____“I can’t believe that happened.” Namjoon said when their laughter finally died down._ _ _ _

____“Me neither.” Yoongi shook his head, wiping his eyes, “Hoseok you were fucking terrifying in there.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah what the fuck?” Namjoon exclaimed._ _ _ _

____“He may be our sunshine,” Seokjin started, turning in his seat to look Hoseok in his eyes, “but people tend to forget that the sun is what’s going to eventually burn us all to crisps.”_ _ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short so I'm sorry about that. Hope you enjoy it anyways! xoxo

Seokjin could hear the chatter from the auditorium from where he was stood backstage. He hadn’t dared peek out in fear of being noticed but he knew there were up towards 200 reporters and cameraman out there. All curious about BTS’s announcement, all ready to be the first to post their article and photos about the press conference.

“Are you okay?” Seokjin turned to see Namjoon walking towards him with a concerned look on his face. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You know you don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to.” Namjoon placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “We can handle this for you.”

“No,” he shook his head and placed his hand on top of Namjoon’s, “I need to be there.”

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Namjoon smiled and nodded before he was called away to speak to someone. 

Seokjin took a deep breath and went to sit down when he felt his nose running, he quickly grabbed a napkin and to his surprise it was red when he pulled it away from his nose. He rushed to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He leaned over the sink and tried to get hold of some paper towels without getting blood everywhere. 

He was in there for ten minutes as he tried to stop the bleeding and finally it stopped. He looked down at what looked like a bloodbath in the sink and splashed water to get rid of the blood. He looked up at the mirror and saw the lower half of his face covered in blood. He made quick work of washing it of, making a reminder in his head to have the makeup noonas touch up his makeup. With a final glance at his appearance he left the bathroom to find Taehyung stood outside.

“Are you okay?” the younger man asked as soon as he stepped outside, “I saw your nose was bleeding.”

“Yeah I’m fine,” he held a thumbs up and grinned cheekily at him, “I just need to touch up my makeup and then we have to go out there, right?”

“Yeah.” 

Taehyung followed him to the noonas and distracted Seokjin by talking about the new videogame the maknaes wanted to buy. It seemed like time passed to quickly because as soon as the makeup was done they were called to go out and do the press conference and suddenly Seokjin felt like it would be a blessing if the ground swallowed him whole. 

He took a deep breath and followed Namjoon out where a long table was set up with microphones mounted on it. Immediately cameras started flashing and people were asking loud questions. Seokjin had been an idol for almost seven years, he should be used to it, but it never failed to make him feel overwhelmed. He took a seat and tried not to let his emotions show. He felt a hand rub calming circles on his back and he turned to see Yoongi looking at him with worry. He smiled softly and hoped it conveyed his message _I’m okay, everything is fine._

“Please quiet down,” Namjoon said into his mic, “we will make our announcement and then we will allow some questions. This shouldn’t take longer than an hour.” 

Namjoon waited for everything to calm down before he spoke again. 

“BTS are supposed to do our comeback stage performance on the 16th of February but that will not happen.” Namjoon had to pause as some reporters seemed to have the memory of goldfish, “The whole comeback will unfortunately not take place. We are all very sad and send our deepest apologies to people who were looking forward to it. You will all be compensated for any purchases you’ve made from BigHit entertainment. We hope that you will understand as we tell you the reason.” 

Namjoon looked at Seokjin and he had to take a deep breath before he could speak. 

"We unfortunately have some bad news regarding my health,” Seokjin had to pause and took a quick sip of water, he felt Yoongi rub calming circles on his back again and he continued, “I found out last week that I have cancer.” 

The room seemed to erupt as loud questions were asked, cameras started flashing again and some reporters even stood up to get their recording devices closer. Seokjin suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, the strength he gathered from his members presence seemed to evaporate and he had to close his eyes as it got too loud and too bright. He felt someone help him stand up and lead him off of the stage. 

“Please quiet down, please.” Namjoons fading voice was the last thing he heard before he felt darkness pulling him in for an embrace. 

* * *

“How is he?” Jungkook hadn’t even closed the front door before he yelled the question, storming inside, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He entered the living room and saw Seokjin sitting there nursing a cup of hot chocolate on his lap. 

“I’m okay,” he smiled and Jungkook sat down next to him, “I apparently had a panic attack and turns out your body needs oxygen to stay conscious. Who would have thought?” 

Jungkook wanted to be angry at his hyung for making light of the situation but a startled laugh escaped him. He blamed it on relief for putting him in a good enough mood to laugh at the situation. 

“I’m sorry though.” Seokjin said after a while of comfortable silence. 

“What for?” Jungkook brows furrowed in confusion, how could his hyung be blaming himself for this, “It’s not like you could control it.” 

“I heard it was only you, Namjoon and Hoseok left to deal with those awful reporters.” 

Jungkook smiled, so typical of Seokjin to be concerned about them when he was the one who fainted. 

“It was fine, honestly Namjoon did most of the work.” 

“Well, I am leader for a reason.” 

Namjoon startled both of them where he was stood in the doorway smiling at them. He sat down on the couch on Seokjin’s other side quickly followed by Hoseok who sat in the armchair. 

“How are you feeling?” Hoseok asked softly, looking at the eldest with concern. 

“I’m okay.” Seokjin smiled, “A bit hungry though, it’s almost dinner time.” 

“Did someone say food?” Taehyung yelled bounding down the stairs, “I want PANDA EXPRESS!” 

They all chuckled softly but burst into laughter when Hoseok exclaimed, “and SPRITE!” 


	5. Chapter 5

Seokjin clenched and unclenched his clammy hands as he followed the nurse to the oncology department. He showed him to a cozy room with large windows and a couple of armchairs. The room was empty apart from himself and the nurse. He was instructed to take a seat and he silently watched as the nurse got his treatment ready. Seokjin kind of hated himself for having spent the whole night reading up on chemotherapy, not only because of how scared he had become of all the side effects but also because he was exhausted. He sighed, in his email from his doctor he was advised to come well rested to his first treatment session and he had already messed it up. 

He felt the nurse lift up the sleeve of his hoodie and swipe at his forearm to disinfect the area before grabbing the needle. When he was done the nurse left after handing Seokjin a couple magazines, a water bottle and not so discreetly placed a bin next to his chair. Seokjin looked at his arm and followed the tube up to where it was connected to a bag hung on an I.V pole. He took a closer look at the bag filled with clear liquid and scoffed when he saw a warning label instructing how to dispose of toxic material. They were putting that stuff in his body.

Seokjin flipped through a magazine but placed it aside, how was he supposed to be entertained when he was literally sitting here, poisoning his own body. He should have taken Jimin up on his offer of coming along to keep him company. He pulled out his phone and sighed when he saw he’d only started treatment fifteen minutes ago. He opened their group chat and hoped that at least one of them would be online, he’d even take Yoongi or Jungkook, the absolute worst at texting back. 

**World wide handsome:**  
Heeeeey!

**Mochi:**  
Hi how’s it going?

**World wide handsome:**  
It’s fine, just really bored  
What are you doing?

**Mochi:**  
I’m not doing anything :P  
I’ll come to you

**World wide handsome:**  
No you don’t have to do that  
it’s only about an hour left

**Mochi:**  
omw  <3

Seokjin sighed softly in annoyance but couldn't help but smile slightly in relief. He scrolled through twitter and tried to relax. Somehow he ended up on a site where people spoke about their experiences with cancer and Seokjin was shocked to find himself feeling comforted by the posts there. He of course felt sad that so many people were going through the same thing he was but at the same time it felt nice to know he wasn’t alone. He was about to create his own account on the site when the door opened and Jimin stepped inside.

“Hey.” Seokjin smiled at him as the younger man pulled up a chair next to him. 

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asked softly.

“Fine. As I said it’s just really boring.” 

“I told you I could have come along.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Seokjin chuckled, “Tell me about your day?”

Jimin started talking and it was as if the younger man had superpowers because in what felt like the blink of an eye the nurse from before stepped into the room. He calmly unhooked Seokjin from the I.V and disposed of the bag. He quickly took his blood pressure and smiled telling him he was good to go.

“When will I start feeling the symptoms?” Seokjin asked before the nurse left.

“Do you have an elevator in your apartment complex?” Seokjin nodded, they live on the 6th floor, “I advise you to use it.”

* * *

Jimin and Seokjin stopped for food before heading home. Jimin had been slightly upset when he saw how little the older man ate, he had said he just felt a bit nauseous and asked for a doggy bag promising he’d eat it later when he felt better. They entered the apartment complex and the nurses words from before were brought to life as they looked at the elevator doors.

_Out of order!_

Seokjin just smiled at Jimin and headed for the stairs and Jimin could feel his anxiety flare up. What symptoms would walking up six flights of stairs cause? He quickly followed his hyung when the image of him passing out and falling down the stairs flashed through his mind. He cursed his vivid imagination but still stayed close behind Seokjin, just in case.

“The nurse was probably trying to scare me,” Seokjin laughed as they reached the third floor, “he seemed quite sadistic don’t you think?”  
Jimin chuckled but he could hear that Seokjin was slightly out of breath. They reached the fifth floor when he suddenly stopped, leaning heavily against the railing. Jimin reached out to place a comforting hand on the older’s back and could feel heat radiating from his body.

“Are you okay?” he knew it was an obvious answer, no.

Seokjin shook his head, Jimin couldn’t tell if he was answering his question or trying to clear his head.

“I started treatment two hours ago and it’s already this bad.” Seokjin sounded defeated and Jimin could feel a lump form in the pit of his stomach.

“That’s probably why,” Jimin tried to sound reassuring, hiding his worry, “your body is probably overwhelmed by the chemo.”

“Yeah.”

Seokjin straightened up, ready to keep moving and Jimin quickly pulled one of his arms over his shoulder and led him upp the last flight of stairs and finally into their home. He led him over to the couch and went to get a bottle of water. When he re-entered the living room he saw Seokjin leaning forward, elbows on his knees and head in hands. Jimin rushed over to him, kneeling in front of him.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked, taking Seokjin's head in his hands to look at his face, “What’s wrong?”

“Nauseous.” Seokjin panted and Jimin quickly looked around and to his relief saw a bag laying on the table and quickly handed it to the older man.

Seokjin kept panting but didn’t throw up. After a couple minutes of silence Seokjin dropped the bag and leaned back on the couch, breathing deeply but more calmly now. Jimin silently handed him the water bottle and instructed him to take small sips. 

“Thank you Jiminie.” Seokjin smiled softly down at him.

“No worries,” Jimin rose to sit down next to the older man and wrapped his arm around him, “I got you hyung.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
> Next chapter might take a while to upload because my computer hates me and I'm also kinda loosing motivation for this story :S

Jungkook woke up, unsure of what woke him up. He glanced at his alarm and saw the numbers displaying 03:37. He lurched up in bed when he heard the noise of a toilet flushing and murmuring voices. He quickly followed the noise and came to a halt in front of the bathroom where the door was wide open. There sat Seokjin, hunched over the toilet with Yoongi rubbing soothing circles on his back. Jungkook didn’t know what to do but stepped inside the bathroom anyways.

“What’s wrong?” he kneeled next to Seokjin, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“He got nauseous and threw up.” Yoongi said, “Can you take care of him so I can clean up his bed and floor?”

Jungkook only nodded and watched Yoongi leave. He reached for a small hand towel and got it wet with cold water and patted Seokjin on his neck and face. Seokjin suddenly lurched over the toilet and Jungkook did everything in his power not to throw up himself, it was disgusting. He mentally slapped himself, not the time to be selfish. He copied Yoongi’s soothing gesture from before and rubbed his hyungs back as he heaved.

“You done?” 

Seokjin nodded but didn’t move away from the toilet bowl, Jungkook wet the towel again and helped Seokjin lean back and wiped his face to get rid of the spit and vomit. He reached over and flushed, hoping the awful smell would go away. 

“Why are you awake?” Seokjin finally asked, voice scratchy, leaning against Jungkook's shoulder.

“I heard the toilet flush.”

“I’m surprised, you usually wouldn’t even wake up to the sound of a bomb landing on top of you.” Seokjin giggled slightly.

“I think I sensed something was wrong.”

“Aww, my little boy is becoming an adult.” Seokjin teased, “You don’t need to be concerned though Jungkookie, this just means the chemo is doing its work.” Seokjin assured him, patting his leg.

“By making you sick?” Jungkook raised his brows and reached for the cup of water next to the toilet handing it to his hyung.

“Unfortunately, yes.” 

He watched Seokjin take a sip of water. He rested his head against his shoulder again and soon enough he heard his breath coming in soft pusts as he fell asleep right here on the bathroom floor. 

After a while Yoongi came back to the bathroom and smiled fondly down at the youngest and eldest. Together Jungkook and Yoongi worked to get Seokjin back to bed. Jungkook shivered slightly when he entered the room, the window was open, probably to air out the smell of vomit. Yoongi left again, grabbing cleaning supplies to clean up the bathroom. Jungkook silently tucked Seokjin into bed, he frowned slightly when he saw the bucket next to the bed. Damn it, why did this have to happen to their hyung. It was so unfair, Jungkook could feel anger bubbling under his skin. He had to take a steadying breath as he looked at Seokjin’s clammy face. He took some relief in seeing the crease in his forehead lessening as he slept peacefully.

“Go back to bed,” Yoongi reentered the room, placing a calming hand on his shoulder, “he’s okay.”

“He’s not.” Yoongi raised his brows at him, “He has fucking cancer. He’s not okay.”

“You’re right. But he’s okay for now. That’s has to be enough for tonight.”

Jungkook nodded and left the room, trusting Yoongi-hyung to have control of the situation.

* * *

Taehyung walked into the kitchen to see Seokjin stood there, whipping up some eggs. He looked better today than he had during dinner last night. Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from coming up behind the older man and wrapping his arms around his waist. He felt him startle slightly before he relaxed again. 

“Morning Tae.” Seokjin said softly, leaning back against him slightly, “Want to help with breakfast?”

Taehyung hummed softly and listened as Seokjin gave him instructions on what to do. Hyung really was a good teacher when he actually allowed someone into his domain, he was patient could immediately tell when Taehyung was confused and quickly clarified what he meant. 

They worked quickly and soon enough the table was set with a hearty breakfast. The others quickly joined them downstairs as they were woken by the pleasant smell. It felt oddly normal, as if they’d be leaving in an hour for dance practise. But they wouldn’t be doing that, not for a long time, Taehyung thought bitterly despite having been quite happy for having a break. If only it had been under other circumstances. 

Seokjin suddenly lurched up from his seat, hand covering his face. He rushed out the room and Namjoon quickly followed him. Taehyung was confused but when he saw a drop of blood on the table where Seokjin had been sat he understood, a nosebleed. They sat silently for a couple minutes before Namjoon and Seokjin came back, giggling slightly and the mood was quickly lifted. 

“Are you okay hyung?” Jimin asked softly.

“It’s just one of the symptoms,” Seokjin smiled and ruffled Jimin’s hair, “I’m fine.”

They all startled when Jungkook stood up suddenly, his chair falling to the ground.

“Would you stop saying you’re fine!” he yelled loudly, storming out the room quickly followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

* * *

As soon as Hoseok heard the door slam shut he was sure where the youngest had gone. He calmly told the others he’d go check on him. He took his time though, knowing Jungkook needed some time alone before he was ready to talk.

When Hoseok entered the gym he had planned to just watch, waiting for the younger to notice him on his own, letting him decide if he wanted to talk. But then he saw him, beating the shit out of a punching bag, face red and already dripping with sweat. He noticed he was using his bare hands and quickly rushed over, grabbing him around his waist and pulling him away from the bag. Jungkook struggled and with a sharp elbow to Hoseok’s stomach and he was free. With a quick glance at the older man he went back to the bag, punching with more force than before, the chain holding it creaking slightly. 

“Hey, stop you’re going to break your hand!” Jungkook either couldn’t hear him or he was ignoring him so Hoseok grabbed him around the shoulders, turning him around, “Hey!”

“Get off of me!” Jungkook violently tried to shake him off, breath coming in pants.

“No! You’re hurting yourself!” 

Hoseok gripped the younger mans shoulders harder and eventually he calmed down enough that he felt comfortable enough to let go of him. He grabbed his water bottle and took a swig, still not saying anything so Hoseok decided to break the silence.

“Whats going on?”

“I… I don’t know, I’m just, I’m so angry.” Jungkook looked confused, looking at his shaking hands. The knuckles were an angry red, skin rubbed raw and blood seeping slowly from a cut. 

“Why are you angry?” Hoseok knew the answer but he needed Jungkook to know it as well.

“He keeps saying he’s fucking fine when he’s not!” the younger man turned and punched the bag again, but only once before turning back again so they didn’t need to struggle once again, “He’s scared but he won’t admit it because he’s trying to take care of us.”

“That’s just how he is,” Hoseok said softly, a fond smile on his face, “him being a little sick won’t change that.”

“He’s not a little sick,” Jungkook practically growled but Hoseok was unfazed, “he has fucking cancer. He should be taking care of himself.”

“You know he sucks at that.” Jungkook smirked slightly but the fire in his eyes was still there, “So we need to help him with that. Storming out the house won’t help him now will it?”

Jungkook didn’t answer but he looked at the ground guiltily. Hoseok reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, using his other hand to make the youngest look at him. He smiled softly at him when he saw tears in his eyes.

“You want to go home?” Jungkook shook his head, “You want to keep punching?”

Jungkook nodded and Hoseok got the image of a kid who’s upset getting asked if they wanted some ice cream, because ice cream made everything better. Only in this case it was a 21 year old who wanted to beat the shit out a punching bag. 

“Let me wrap your hands and get some gloves on you and then you can proceed to beat the shit out that bag.” Hoseok smiled.

* * *

When Jungkook and Hoseok finally came home it was almost three in the afternoon. Jungkook got straight in the shower and when he walked into the living room he saw the balcony door slightly ajar. He knew who was sat there and hesitantly went to join him, taking a seat next to the eldest. 

“What was that?” Seokjin asked softly after a few minutes of silence, “this morning. why did you storm out like that?”

“I was angry.” 

“With me.” it wasn’t a question.

“No!” Jungkook protested, “With the situation.”

“I know, it sucks but we just have to accept it.” Seokjin smiled

Jungkook snorted, rolling his eyes, “Funny hearing that from you.”

“What do you mean?” Seokjin looked at him, genuinely confused and Jungkook couldn’t help but scoff. 

“What do you mean “what do you mean?”, you’re the only one that wont admit it!” Jungkook could feel the anger from before bubbling up, apparently spending hours boxing just wasn’t enough.

“Admit what?”  
“That you’re scared!”

“I’m not.” the confusion in his voice wouldn’t leave.

“You are! How could you not be? You have fucking cancer!”

“What do you want from me?” Seokjin’s voice was just as loud as his own now, and Jungkook briefly wondered if the others could hear them. Probably.

“I want you to admit it.”

“Alright you want me to admit it, I do! Im terrified all the fucking time, I’m terrified that im going to choke to death on my own vomit, that I’m going to pass out and hit my head and die. I’m terrified that I'm going to leave all of you behind or drag you down with me because it seems like that's the only thing i'm good at.”

“Hyung…” he gasped, surprised by the outburst but Seokjin wasn’t quite done.

“I’m scared, that's what you wanted to hear? I am scared. But what's the point in living like that? I’d rather act like everything is fine.” his voice started out strong but was barely above a whisper as he said the last words.

“Even if it’s not?” 

Seokjin fiddles with the cuff of his hoodie, nodding his head once.

“Even if it’s not.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! xoxo

Seokjin looked at his phone, tuesday, chemoday. It was a month and a half ago since he’d been diagnosed and it was already a habit. He woke up, took stock of his body to know whether it was a good or a bad day. Today it was a good one, no nausea, no dizziness. Too bad the chemo was probably going to make the following day a bad one. No, not probably, most definitely going to make wednesday a bad one. He gathered up the hairs gathered on his pillow, it had started falling out last week. He’d broken down in the bathroom that morning, if the others noticed his red and puffy eyes they didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to say anything, it would make it too real. 

There was a soft knock on the door and Hoseok peeked inside, “You ready? We should head to the hospital.”

“Yeah, let me just brush my teeth then I’m ready to go.” Seokjin smiled walking past the younger man heading to the bathroom.

The drive to the hospital was filled with chatter and Seokjin decided he liked it when Hoseok came with him to chemo the best. The others tended to look nervous and sad even after they left. Hoseok was his normal sunny self, no doubt hiding his real feelings, but Seokjin enjoyed the normalcy nonetheless. 

They entered the hospital and as a routine Seokjin led them to the oncology department and signed in. The nurse made quick work of starting the chemotherapy and Hoseok settled next to him. 

They chatted for a while but Seokjin must have fallen asleep because next time he opened his eyes Hoseok was sitting next to a girl settled beside Seokjin. He was rubbing her back as she threw up. Seokjin handed her a napkin and his water bottle when she was done and Hoseok helped her wipe her mouth.

“Hyung, this is Jisoo,” he gestured to the girl and she waved at him, “this is Seokjin.”

“Nice to meet you Jisoo.” Seokjin said politely, shaking her hand, “How you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” she smiled, “I have leukemia as well, Hoseok told me about you.”

“Ah, when were you diagnosed?” 

“Two months ago, I was just transferred to this hospital to be closer to my family.”

Seokjin noticed then that she was wearing a wig and he complimented her. He liked the pink color. They talked throughout the treatment, Hoseok and Seokjin even stayed for half an hour as she had started after Seokjin. She was nice and they felt bad leaving her alone in the plain room. Eventually a friend of hers, Jennie, came to pick her up and they said goodbye.

Hoseok and Seokjin went out to eat lunch, enjoying some alone time. When they finally reached the dorms they got in the elevator and Seokjin recalled that first day of treatment. The day after the elevator was working again and they had laughed at his bad luck.

“Thank you Hoseok, for coming with me today.” Seokjin smiled as they stepped out onto the balcony.

“You would have been fine without me, you and Jisoo had a lot to talk about.” Hoseok smirked.

“It was nice to talk to someone who’s going through the same thing.” he smiled softly, looking out at the beautiful city.

“I was thinking,” Hoseok said after a beat of silence, “have you told your parents yet?”

“No,” Seokjin could feel his mood turning sour, “I don’t want them to know.”  
“I know you’re not on the best terms with them but they still care about you. They deserve to know.” 

“They don’t give a shit.” Seokjin didn’t mean for his voice to sound so harsh but he didn’t have it in him to apologize.

“That’s not true, you’re their son.” Hoseok protested and Seokjin wanted to tell him, so he did.

“They disowned me.”

“What?” Hoseok reeled back in surprise, “When was this?”

“Last year. They have hated me since I came to Seoul to become an idol and I don’t want to see them if the only reason is because I’m dying.” he sighed, recalling the phone call he’d gotten from his father’s lawyer. The bastard didn’t even have it in him to tell him himself.

“You’re not dying.”

He only nodded in agreement despite knowing that was not a sure fact. Whatever it took to ease their worry. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” the younger man almost sounded betrayed.

“We were in the middle of touring.” he simply stated.

“That’s not a reason.”

“I don’t know alright, I just didn’t.” Seokjin could feel himself get worked up, he attempted to stand up but Hoseok pulled him down again

“Hey take it easy, I’m sorry I pushed.” Hoseok placed a hand on his thigh, “Don’t leave.”

“I should have been a better son.” his voice was barely above a whisper but Hoseok heard it and pulled him closer so his arm was wrapped around him and his head rested on the younger mans shoulder.

“They have the best son ever and they’re idiots not to know that,” Hoseok squeezed his shoulder, “and you’re an idiot for not knowing that.”

“Hey!”

“Can’t argue with the truth.” Hoseok laughed.

Seokjin only chuckled softly at that, he could feel himself getting tired and he was so comfortable that his eyes started drooping. He knew his neck would probably hurt like hell the next time he woke up but he just wanted to enjoy this closeness now.

* * *

Hoseok and Seokjin sat there for about an hour before the older man started to stir. He blinked sleepily at Hoseok. Together they walked inside and Hoseok helped Seokjin settle on the couch, wrapping a blanket around him. It was spring now but the older man always seemed to be cold anyways. He boiled some water and made them both some tea. 

They started watching a shitty soap opera, Seokjin criticising the acting and they laughed loudly at the overdramatic zooms and camera angles. After a while they were joined by Yoongi and Namjoon who had just come back from the studio.

“Why are you watching this hyungs?” Namjoon laughed at the slow motion fall on the screen.

“It’s funny.” Seokjin simply stated, lowering the volume slightly, “How did it go at the studio?”

“Good, we’re on our eight song already.” Yoongi smiled in a way he only did talking about music, “Namjoonie is a fucking poet, you should read the stuff he writes.”

Namjoon blushed and shook his head, “It’s nothing special.”

“I swear, we need to demand longer breaks in the future. We’re getting so much work done.” Yoongi smiled but held a sad glint in his eyes.

Seokjin obviously noticing the mood joked, “I’ll make sure to get sick more often then.”

None of them found it funny and Seokjin quickly apologized for being insensitive. Hoseok simply patted his leg and got up to make them some more tea. As he was walking back to the couch with the cups they heard the door slam open and the giggles from the maknaes were heard. They threw themselves on top of their hyungs, still giggling like maniacs.

“Yah!” Yoongi exclaimed, pushing Taehyung of off him, “You guys stink.”

“Well what do you expect, we’ve spent all day dancing.” Jimin laughed as he was pushed off by Namjoon, “You should have seen the moves Taehyung came up with, it was hilarious!”

“Get off.” Seokjin’s voice was pinched and Jungkook scrambled to get off of him and the eldest rushed to the bathroom, the familiar sound of heaving was heard.

Hoseok followed him and sighed when he saw some vomit on the floor, he missed the toilet. He grabbed some paper and wiped Seokjin's face, frowning slightly when he saw tears in the eldest eyes. He shook his head when he Seokjin reached for a towel, going to clean up the vomit on the floor.  
“Don’t worry, I got it.”

He made quick work of cleaning it up as Seokjin rinsed his mouth and together they made it back to the living room. The others were talking in hushed voices and looked concerned at their hyung.

“It’s okay. You guys just smell so bad.” he teased making the others crack up, “Go take a shower.”

They scrambled to be the first to get to the showers. Pushing and yelling at each other much to the hyungs amusement.

“You got cooking duty as punishment!” Namjoon yelled and chuckled at their displeased protests.

Hoseok would always be thankful for these moments. These small moments of normalcy in their weird lives.


	8. Chapter 8

Yoongi saw it happening but was too far away to do anything. Luckily Jungkook was closer and managed to catch Seokjin as he collapsed. It had only been Jungkook and the two eldest in the dorms and they had decided to have a chill day, watching disney movies and eating junk food. The others were in the studio, dancing or writing. Yoongi was supposed to join them but he had woken up with a headache so they left without him. 

Jungkook softly laid Seokjin down on the floor, Yoongi quickly rushed up to them. With a shaking hand he reached for Seokjin’s neck, feeling for a pulse and found a strong one. Jungkook had already pulled out his phone to call for an ambulance. Yoongi lightly tapped Seokjin’s cheeks, trying to wake him up but got no response.

Because Seokjin wasn’t critical they were both allowed to ride in the ambulance to the hospital. He was glad because neither of them were in a state to drive, too wired and on edge to even think about how to drive a car. When they reached the hospital they were placed in a waiting room as they took Seokjin away for tests. 

They had sat in silence for half an hour when they were suddenly startled by Yoongi’s phone ringing.

“Hello?”

_“Where are you guys?” _Namjoon’s worried voice came from the other line.__

____

“Hospital.” Yoongi cringed as Namjoon exploded with questions, he really should get better at sugar coating things.  


“He’s okay!” Yoongi practically yelled into the phone, “He fainted and they’re running some tests.”

A doctor walked up to them asking if they were Seokjin’s relatives, they simply nodded and Yoongi quickly spoke into the phone. 

“The doctor’s here, I’ll call you back.” he hung up.

“How is he?” Jungkook asked, voice trembling slightly.

“He’s fine.” the doctor assured them, “It came to my attention that he was put on a stronger dose of chemo last week, it seems that his body just didn’t have enough nutrients for him to handle it.”

“He’s been throwing up a lot.” Yoongi said and the doctor nodded in understanding.

“We’ve put him on some fluids and I’ll prescribe him some supplements and vitamin pills to compensate for what his body can’t provide.” the doctor smiled, “He’s awake and asking for you so if you’ll come with me.”

Yoongi didn’t know what he expected when he entered the hospital room, maybe a heart monitor and an oxygen mask over Seokjin’s face. But when they entered the room they were met by a smiling, albeit pale, Seokjin. All he was attached to was an I.V and Yoongi felt himself finally able to calm down. Judging by the shaky breath Jungkook let out, he felt the same.

They asked him how he was, he said fine. They asked him if he needed anything, he said no thanks and asked them to sit down. Yoongi excused himself after a while when he realised he’d promised Namjoon he’d call him back. It rang once before Namjoon picked up.

_“Is he okay?” ___

____

“Yeah, his body didn’t have enough nutrients to handle the stronger chemo so they prescribed him some supplements.” Yoongi assured and heard Namjoon relay the information.

____

_“Should we come to the hospital?” ___

______ _ _

“No need, he gets to go home in like an hour.” 

______ _ _

_“Okay, well I’ll see you later then.” _Namjoon said.__

________ _ _ _ _

“Yeah. No wait, can you come pick us up?” Yoongi nearly forgot, “We didn’t drive here.”

________ _ _ _ _

_“Yeah of course, I’ll call you when I’m there.” _they bid goodbye and Yoongi went back to Seokjin’s hospital room.__

________ _ _ _ _

* * *

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jimin fidgeted on the couch, he knew Seokjin-hyung was okay but he needed to see him. He had been so confused to come back to an empty dorm, over the last two months they had all become used to Seokjin being there and when Namjoon told them he was in the hospital Jimin couldn’t help but fear the worst. Those minutes as they waited for Yoongi to call them back had felt like hours. The others seemed to find relief simply in Yoongi’s assurances but Jimin had always been a more tactile person, needing to see and touch to know something was real.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

His head snapped up as the front door opened. He quickly rushed over and clung tightly to the eldest, he pulled away slightly to place his hands around his cheeks, looking for any sign of him feeling sick. He looked a bit pale and his skin was cold under his hands but apart from that he looked fine. He pulled Seokjin into the living room, forcing him to lay down on the couch, pulling a blanket over him. He was suddenly pushed to the side as Taehyung kneeled in front of Seokjin, feeling his forehead for a fever.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Are you okay? Did you hit your head when you fainted? How are you feeling?” his questions came in rapid fire but was interrupted by Seokjin's squeaky laugh.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m okay. I did not hit my head, Jungkook caught me. And I feel fine, though I’m a bit thirsty.” 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

At that Taehyung sprinted to the kitchen to get him some water and Jimin took the opportunity to take his place in front of Seokjin. Something must have shown on his face because Seokjin’s hand found its way out the blanket and he ruffled Jimin’s hair.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Relax Jimin-ah, hyung is just fine.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You should have seen him hyung, he was pacing like a nervous bunny, even after Yoongi-hyung told us you were fine.” Jimin startled at the new voice, falling over in his shock. Hoseok was sitting on the armchair and Jimin been too focused on Seokjin that he didn’t notice the dancer. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

The room erupted in laughter at that and Jimin couldn’t help but join in.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

* * *

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

They had a nice dinner, it felt like normal. They bickered and fought over the last piece of meat that Seokjin claimed in their distraction. They whined but were all happy to see Seokjin enjoying food for once. He did throw up later that night but they chose to ignore that part of the evening. Yoongi was tired but couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t get the image of Seokjin fainting out of his head. The fear he felt when he didn’t think anyone could catch him as he fell still gnawed at his heart.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I want you to promise me something.” Yoongi said suddenly.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“And what’s that?” Seokjin yawned but Yoongi heard him turn over in his bed.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That you won't die.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Yoongi,” Seokjin sighed, “everybody dies, I can’t promise you that.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Promise me you won’t die from this disease.” Yoongi clarified.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I can't do that either.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yoongi didn’t know where it came from but a sob was ripped out of him. Ugly, disgusting sobbing, snot producing and crocodile tears streamed down his face. He covered his face with his hands but they were peeled away by pale fingers and he felt the bed dip slightly as Seokjin laid down next to him. He turned and pressed his face into his chest as Seokjin ran his fingers through his hair.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Please promise me,” he sniffled, “hyung you have to promise me. Please.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Okay. I promise.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Whatever it took to ease their worry._

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep...


	9. Chapter 9

Taehyung, Seokjin decided was his second favourite to bring to chemo. He was a chatterbox and was a good enough actor to not make Seokjin feel bad when he threw up in front of him. A simple pat on the back and a gulp of water and then they picked up the conversation where they left it. 

Seokjin listened as Taehyung and Jisoo talked, they met a couple weeks ago when the younger man tagged along to chemo and he and Jisoo really clicked. Seokjin could see them becoming good friends but he only wished it was under different circumstances. Jisoo had called Seokjin last week, telling him they were putting her on a more aggressive type of treatment since they weren’t getting the results they wanted. That meant it would either work or kill her, no in between and even though Seokjin prayed for the former he could tell she was getting bad. Her cheeks were even more sunken in, face almost translucent with how pale she was.

A nurse came in and helped Jisoo into her wheelchair, she was too weak to walk far. She waved goodbye and Taehyung sat down next to Seokjin again. He noticed the youngers face was pinched in worry, he hated seeing people in pain, especially those he cared about. Seokjin reached out and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly and Taehyung squeezed back. 

“It’s going so fast,” Taehyung said eventually, “I met her just two weeks ago and it’s like she’s fading away.”  


“I know.” Seokjin couldn’t find any reassuring words so he simply squeezed his hand again.

They sat in silence for a while as they waited for the nurse to come and finish his treatment. When she finally came she worked efficiently and soon Seokjin was good to go. He pushed himself out of the chair but felt the world tilt as he stood up. He felt strong hands steady him and he closed his eyes hoping the ground would stop feeling like a rollercoaster. He was pushed back into the chair and kept his eyes closed to stave of the nausea.

“Mr Kim, perhaps you should stay here overnight.” he finally opened his eyes and turned to the nurse who had spoken. He shook his head.

“Hyung,” Taehyung started, sounding hesitant, “maybe she’s right.”

“No, I wanna go home.”

They nodded and helped him get up, luckily the vertigo wasn’t as bad this time. Taehyung still held on to him, walking him to the car and helped him put on his seatbelt. They were going home, Seokjin let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

Taehyung and Jimin were making dinner. Seokjin had spent a lot of time teaching them how to cook these last few months and it was paying of. They were making spicy chicken with rice, a quite simple recipe, but if they had tried making it a couple months ago it probably would have ended in disaster.

As Taehyung flipped the chicken he felt bittersweet. Hyung had been teaching them all recipes and giving them advice on how to help each other out whenever there was an argument or if the mood was too sour. He was pretty sure he knew what Seokjin was trying to do, he was preparing them for when he wasn’t around. It made him angry at first but he could tell Seokjin was enjoying spending time with them doing mundane things like this, so he humored him, pretending he didn’t know what was going on. He was pretty sure the others knew as well, he had seen Jimin’s eyes tear up as Seokjin showed them how to chop different vegetables correctly. He had said it was just the onion but there wasn’t even onion in the dish they were preparing.

Jungkook had taken the longest to notice and when he did, well it hadn’t been pretty. He had stormed out the kitchen and slammed his bedroom door shut. When Taehyung followed him he felt like his heart broke, the younger man was sitting on the floor sobbing, hands over his mouth to muffle the sounds. Taehyung had wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight and whispering assurances till he calmed down.

_“He’s acting like he’s dying,” Jungkook had whispered, “but he can’t die, Tae he just can’t!” ___

__He was startled out of his thoughts by Jimin waving his hand in front of his face. He looked at him confused._ _

__“Hello? Hello anyone in there?” Jimin knocked on his head and Taehyung laughed, nodding, “Set the table will you, food’s almost ready.”_ _

__Taehyung went to work and after he was done he called the others down for dinner. He watched as Yoongi and Seokjin made their way down the stairs, Seokjin’s hand was clamped on the railing and his other arm slung over Yoongi’s shoulder who had his arm tight around the older’s waist._ _

__They gathered at the table and Taehyung beamed as they complimented the food, high fiving Jimin. They talked about everything and nothing, laughing loudly as Jungkook nearly choked on his food. If there was one good thing about this disease, and there weren’t many, Taehyung decided it was these moments. Where they could sit down to home cooked meals, not worrying about diets or getting up early in the morning, just enjoying each others company._ _

__“Yoongi go grab the bottles.” Seokjin said as they settled in the living room after eating._ _

__They looked at the eldest questionably and cheered when Yoongi produced a couple bottles of soju. Taehyung scrambled to grab them some glasses, excited to get the party started. They made quick work of the first bottle and all felt quite tipsy, Jimin and Hoseok worse of judging by their bad performance during their game of charades. Seokjin was reaching for the bottle when Namjoon spoke up._ _

__“Are you even allowed to drink with all your medicine?”_ _

__“I just want to have fun tonight, one evening wont hurt.” Seokjin assured them and poured himself a shot and downing it right away._ _

__There were two bottles left by the time they felt done for the night. None of them were too drunk and probably wouldn’t even be hungover the next morning. All in all the night had been a success, they laughed and played like they didn’t have a care in the world. Taehyung decided they were going to have a huge party when Seokjin-hyung was finally healthy again._ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite short so I'm sorry about that... but like I said before I'm having a bit of trouble with motivation for this story :S  
> Hopefully you can still enjoy it xoxo

Seokjin was a champ, throughout this whole ordeal he had handled everything very well. Even on his bad days, be it physical or mental he took it in stride, not missing a single treatment and swallowing all the pills he was prescribed. Which is why Namjoon was confused as he stood at the foot of Seokjin-hyungs bed watching him pull his covers further over his head. 

Namjoon sighed, he was acting like a child. He roughly pulled the covers of off him and laughed as the older man scrambled to get hold of them again. He felt kind of bad, he knew Seokjin hated the biopsies but they were necessary in order to specify the treatment he needed.

“Come on hyung, we’re going to be late.” he sat down on the bed and patted Seokjin’s shoulder.

“I don’t wanna.” Seokjin whined.

“The faster we get going the faster it will be over.” since hyung was acting like a kid he decided some bribing would work wonders, “I’ll buy you ice cream on the way home.”

He watched as Seokjin grumbled but got out of bed, steadying himself on Namjoons shoulder. He turned away when he started changing and noticed some hair gathered on the older’s pillow and frowned. Of course he had noticed his hair was thinning and Seokjin was wearing beanies more and more often. He considered asking if he wanted help shaving it off but since Seokjin hadn’t mentioned it he decided to just not acknowledge it.

They arrived at the hospital rather quickly and Namjoon could tell Seokjin was nervous, he was tapping his foot as they waited for the doctor to come in. He was already changed into a hospital gown with an open back and was sat on the examination table. Namjoon reached out and took hold of his hand and placed his other hand on the bouncing leg.

“Relax, it’s okay.” 

“You’re not the one who’s about to get stabbed.” Seokjin snapped but Namjoon didn’t react, he always got irritable on biopsy days.

“You’re right, sorry.” he smiled and Seokjin looked apologetic and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the doctor entering. 

After a quick greeting Seokjin was instructed to lay down on his side and Namjoon could feel the grip on his hand tightening and placed his other hand over both of theirs, rubbing calming circles over the older’s knuckles. Seokjin smiled gratefully but his face morphed into that of one in pain and he clenched his eyes shut. 

It reminded him of that first time he got the biopsy done. At least now he was prepared for the pain but that really didn’t make it better. Even if Seokjin had looked sick back then it was worse now, he was so skinny now, what used to be a puffy face was now quite gaunt and Namjoon had seen him changing this morning and cringed at the memory. His ribs were too visible and his collarbones were too produced, a constant reminder of his illness.

* * *

Seokjin smiled when they pulled into the gas station and Namjoon stepped out, asking him what ice cream flavor he wanted. He had forgotten about the promise Namjoon made that morning and couldn’t help but be delighted at the idea of chocolate ice cream melting on his tongue. When Namjoon was done he drove them to the pier and they sat on a bench enjoying the spring winds as they ate the cold treats. He watched the waves hit the rocks below as if in a trance.

“I want to go to the beach.” Seokjin announced and Namjoon turned to face him.

“Now?”

“No,” he chuckled, “sometime, all of us. A little trip and we can make a bonfire and grill marshmallows. 

“Okay,” Namjoon said simply, “let’s do it.”

* * *

Jungkook clenched his fist so hard that his nails dug into his palm. Taehyung sat beside him, knee bouncing rapidly. They felt so guilty, this wasn’t how the day had been meant to go. Sitting here in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to tell them how their hyung was doing. 

“What happened?” Namjoon was suddenly kneeling in front of them, Seokjin at his side.

“We were just goofing off and …” Taehyung’s voice trailed of so Jungkook continued.

“We were wrestling and me and Tae decided to gang up on Jimin and we tackled him too hard and he hit his head really hard on the table.” Jungkook could feel tears forming in his eyes, “We didn’t mean to!”

“Of course you didn’t,” Seokjin said softly, “it was an accident and I’m sure Jimin knows that too.”

“There was a lot of blood.” Taehyung whispered.

“Head wounds bleed a lot Tae,” Namjoon said reassuringly, “you did good taking him straight to the hospital, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

They sat there for a while, the older two rubbing calming circles on the younger’s backs. Everytime Jungkook closed his eyes he saw the image of Jimin's pale face as the side of his head was matted with blood, the way his eyes fluttered as Taehyung and Jungkook ordered him to stay awake until he eventually lost the battle with unconsciousness. Sometimes Jimin’s face would be replaced by Seokjin’s, imagining if last weeks fall had been different. He shook his head each time the images came up and he probably looked like a lunatic or someone about to have an aneurysm. 

“Relatives of Park Jimin?” a voice called out and Jungkook’s face turned to the owner of the voice, they stood up and scrambled over to her.  
“How is he?” Taehyung asked.

“He’s okay, a minor concussion but we want him to stay here overnight just to make sure there are no complications.” she assured them with a smile.

They were told they could see him and Jimin was sat on the hospital bed, bandage wrapped around his head. He smiled when Taehyung and Jungkook rushed out apologizes and told them it was okay, that it was just an accident. Jungkook clung to his hand, thankful his hyung wasn’t mad at them.

They sat there for an hour talking with Jimin nodding off every once in a while. A nurse came in and told them visiting hours were over and Namjoon and Seokjin got up, getting ready to leave but Taehyung and Jungkook refused. They begged to be allowed to stay there and the nurse eventually gave up, warning them she’d call security if they were too loud.

“Are you guys planning to sleep on those uncomfortable chairs tonight?” Jimin asked after Namjoon and Seokjin left.

Jungkook and Taehyung simply nodded, they didn’t want to leave Jimin alone. Especially when they were the reason he was stuck in the hospital bed and told him so.

“Guys, you don’t have to feel guilty, I’m fine.” Jimin chuckled, “Besides I get to go home tomorrow, you can come pick me up early morning. That can be your punishment.”

No amount of reason would make them change their minds. Their backs will probably hate them in the morning but in Jungkook’s mind it’s what they deserved.


	11. Chapter 11

The wrestling incident last week brought a change of pace to the dorms for Seokjin and he felt kind of bad for enjoying it. As soon as Jimin was brought home he was swarmed by the others, including Seokjin himself, they doted on him and cooked for him. Jungkook even tried feeding him but he got a jab to the neck from the concussed member.

_“I hurt my head Jungkook, not my ability to use chopsticks.” he had grumbled, making the others laugh at Jungkook's put out expression._

But now Jimin was officially declared fine and slowly but surely the members turned their attention back to him and Seokjin felt bad because he kind of wanted someone else to get hurt so that the focus would shift away from himself. The worst part was that Seokjin was having a few of his worst days, he could barely keep any food down and he kept getting nosebleeds that would last for almost half an hour. He hated seeing his friends concerned looks and tried to hide it best he could but the others weren’t dumb. They could tell he spent far too long in the bathroom and that he was sleeping much longer than usual and that really says something since he’d been getting about ten hours of sleep every night these last few months. 

Seokjin would be lying if he said he wasn’t concerned about his condition but his motto had always been “fake it till you make it!”. Maybe that wouldn’t work this time. He slowly made his way down the stairs on shaky legs and was thankful to feel a strong arm wrap around his middle and he felt the familiar smell of Hoseok fill his nostrils. Hoseok led him to the kitchen and sat him on a chair.

“I was going to heat up some leftovers,” Hoseok said, opening the fridge, “you want some?”

Seokjin didn’t bother answering as Hoseok had already pulled out two bowls. He watched as turned on the stove and placed the pot of noodle soup on a low heat. Hoseok sat on the opposite side to Seokjin and looked at him like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to frase it.

“What is it?” Seokjin said eventually, he couldn’t handle silence.

“What? Nothing!” Seokjin simply raised his eyebrows and Hoseok gave up, “I just wanted to ask you what’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Seokjin was confused.

“Well you’ve been pulling away from us these last few days and I know we can be really overbearing at times but you know we just want to help. You can just tell us to back off and we will, you don’t need to lock yourself in the bathroom or pretend to sleep to do that and-”

“Hobi stop,” Seokjin interrupted his rambling, “I didn’t mean to make you guys feel bad for caring for me but honestly that’s not why I’ve been doing that stuff.”

“Then why have you been doing that?” Hoseok’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Seokjin hesitated slightly, but it’s better to just go with the truth, “I’ve just been really tired lately and I’ve been getting nosebleeds that lasts for really long.”

“Oh,” Hoseok said, worry etching it’s way onto his face, “we should take you to the hospital then, I mean that’s not normal to bleed for so long. You were in the bathroom for an hour yesterday and if you’re bleeding that long it can’t be good.”

“See this is why I didn’t tell you.” Seokjin chuckled and walked around the table to serve them the soup, “I’ve got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow so I thought I’d take it up then.”

Seokjin handed Hoseok a bowl and then took his own and sat back down. He looked at Hoseok who still looked a bit concerned but much calmer than before and smiled softly at Seokjin when he saw him staring. After a while the conversation shifted to Hoseok’s plan for his new mixtape and Seokjin felt happy as he watched how excited he was for it. Explaining the concept in detail.

* * *

Yoongi woke up to the sound of a dull thud. He almost decided to go back to sleep but lurched up at the sound of things clattering to the ground, he followed the noise to the bathroom and saw light coming from the sliver underneath the door. He pulled at the handle but it was locked. He banged on the door and eventually heard the click of the lock, he pulled open the door and saw Jin leaning against the toilet. There was blood everywhere, in the sink, the toilet and on the floor. He crashed to his knees beside the other man and cupped his hands around his face that looked much to gaunt. There was blood running from his nose and from the corner of his mouth. He saw the remnants of vomit but ignored it in favor of wiping his face with a towel.

“It… it wo- wont stop bleeding.” 

Seokjin’s voice was weak, too weak. The older man was barely able to hold his head up and was leaning heavily against Yoongi’s side.

“Help! Help someone please!” Yoongi yelled, panic obvious in his voice.

He heard the sound of footsteps and looked up to see Jimin coming to a halt in the doorway, mouth open in shock. He quickly turned on his heel before coming back phone in hand already dialing for an ambulance. 

Yoongi felt Seokjin slump against him and nearly collapsed under his weight. He looked down at him and saw his eyes closed, breath coming in weak gasps. He quickly laid him on his side, head pillowed on his knees. 

“The ambulance will be here soon,” Jimin said, kneeling by Seokjin’s head, “what happened?”

“I… i don’t know, I woke up and found him like this.” Yoongi stroked jins head and was shocked to see hair stuck on his clammy and bloody hand. “Oh, oh god”

The sirens were heard and Yoongi heard more footsteps in the hall.

“What’s happeni…” Namjoons voice trailed of, frozen as he saw the scene in front of him

“Go meet the ambulance,” Jimin ordered, “Namjoon!” the leaders face snapped to Jimin's, “Go get the medics!”

One second Seokjin’s head was in his lap, the next he was watching him be wheeled into the ambulance. He was vaguely aware of being pulled into a car but he was too out of it to understand who had led him there. 

_God, I don’t believe in you. But please save Seokjin, I need him to be okay. Please god, please…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... sorry about that xoxo


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo.... sorry about the slow update but I have a lot going on at the moment :/  
> Please let me know what you think! I love reading the coments, it gives me loads of motivation! xoxo

They were sat in the waiting room, they had arrived two hours ago and no one had come out to tell them how Seokjin was doing. Jimin glanced around the sterile hallway, Yoongi was resting his head against Hoseok’s shoulder and Jimin smiled fondly, the older man had tired himself out in his panic earlier that night. Taehyung and Jungkook were whispering so softly to one another that Jimin couldn’t make out the words. Namjoon was pacing up and down the hall, annoying the nurses as he asked for updates on their hyungs condition. Jimin himself felt oddly calm, probably just the calm before the storm. 

He had no idea how he had remained so focused when he found Yoongi and Seokjin in the bathroom. He didn’t even think as he called for the ambulance, relaying the information needed as if on autopilot. His mother had always told him that if it was needed, his brain would compartmentalise and take the action necessary but he never thought he was capable of that but it turned out he was. He had always been a very emotional person, something he was quite proud of if he was honest. Emotions didn’t make you weak, they made you brave. Not many people dare be vulnerable around others, no matter how close you were but Jimin made a point to be vulnerable. He was a role model to many people and wanted to do right by them. 

“Has anyone called his family?” Jungkook asked softly.

“No. And we’re not going to.” Hoseok said sternly and Yoongi woke up as he stood up.

“What do you mean, his parents deserve to know.” Namjoon said, walking over to them.

Hoseok seemed to hesitate and leaned against the wall.

“His parents disowned him last year.” at the others confused looks he continued, “He told me a while ago and he doesn’t want them to know if the only reason for them to show up is because he’s dying.”

“He’s not dying!” Jungkook exclaimed storming up to Hoseok’s face.

“Yeah?” Hoseok pushed the youngest away from him, “Then what do you call the pool of blood in our bathroom?”

“He’s not dying you fucking asshole, he’s going to be fine!” 

Jungkook was back in Hoseok’s face face and Jimin could see tears in his eyes as he watched the scene in front of him. Seokjin was fighting for his life while these two fought each other. He wasn’t sure who threw the first punch but he knew who threw the last one, Jungkook. His hand was shaking as Hoseok was crumbled to the floor holding his cheek. Jimin was vaguely aware of Namjoon telling the nurses not to call security and watched as the leader led Jungkook a bit further down the hall as Taehyung kneeled in front of Hoseok.

“Relatives of Kim Seokjin I presume?”

* * *

The doctor told them Seokjin’s blood hadn’t been clotting properly and that he had contracted an infection. They had put him on antibiotics to fight the infection and given him a blood transfusion. He looked horrible, Yoongi thought. Hooked up to the machines, face clammy with sweat and paler than he’d been before, and Yoongi wasn’t sure that was even possible.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” 

Yoongi spoke even if he knew the older man wouldn’t respond. The doctor had told him he was put in a medically induced coma to help him fight the infection. If he … no, _when_ he got better they’d wake him up and he’d get to come home. Yoongi tugged slightly at the face mask as it tickled his chin slightly. They had to wear hospital clothes, face masks, hair nets and gloves to minimize the risk of compromising Seokjin’s already weak immune system.

“You promised me you wouldn’t die, so I’m holding you to that promise.” Yoongi whispered, grabbing Seokjin’s cold but sweaty hand, “You always keep your promises. So you better keep this one too.”

* * *

Hoseok hesitated by the door as he entered the hospital room. Seokjin looked so fragile, it looked like a gust of wind would make him crumble to pieces. Hoseok took a deep breath and sat down on the chair at his hyungs bedside, after some hesitation he grabbed Seokjin’s hand in both of his gloved ones. 

“This is all my fault.” he mumbled.

Seokjin had told him about his nosebleeds, if only he had insisted more. If only he had forced him to go to the hospital this wouldn’t have happened. If only he was smarter this could have been prevented. 

Not only had he betrayed Seokjin’s body, but his trust as well. Seokjin hadn’t told him he could tell the others about his family issues and he just blurted it out when Seokjin was nowhere to stop him. He betrayed his trust by fighting Jungkook, Seokjin had asked him to take care of the others. To be the smile when Seokjin couldn’t be there to do it himself and he couldn’t even do that.

He failed his hyung. He could only hope he had time to make it up to him.

* * *

“This is wrong,” Namjoon sighed, “you shouldn’t be like this.”

Namjoon was the leader of BTS, one of the biggest bands in the world. But here, here he felt like a child. He watched his band member, his friend, his brother breath, gasps that sounded too weak to come from a person like Kim Seokjin. He hoped his hyung wasn’t in pain and made a note to ask his doctor about it.

“You’re the one we look to when things go wrong. Even after you got diagnosed you’ve been a shoulder to lean on. You don’t even try, that’s just who you are.”

Namjoon rested his head on his hands, pressing the heels of his palm into his eyes. He didn’t want to cry. He had cried enough already. If he gathered up the tears he’d shed this past week he was sure he could fill an ocean. Well, at least then he could fulfill Seokjin-hyungs wish.

“I’ll take you to the beach hyung. As soon as you get better I’m going to take you and the others to the beach and we’ll grill marshmallows like you wanted.”

* * *

“You’d probably tell me not to feel guilty,” Jimin let out a teary laugh, “but I feel guilty hyung. I feel so guilty.”

Jimin’s hands itched to grab hold of Seokjin's but he stopped himself. The older man looked so fragile, looked like one touch would make him shatter into a million pieces.

“If I hadn’t gotten the concussion we would have noticed earlier. We should have noticed either way.” 

Jimin felt horrible now, he had enjoyed being babied for a bit. Not because he wanted to be the center of attention but rather that it reminded him of before. Back when things were normal. It’s only been little over three months and it feels like an eternity.

“I want things to go back to the way it was,” Jimin mumbled, “you always get us the stuff we want so you should get better so things can go back to the way it used to be. That’s what I want.”

Jimin sighs and gets up. He knows nothing will ever be the same, but maybe it will get better, slowly perhaps, but eventually it will get better. He has to believe that.

* * *

Taehyung tapped his foot as he sat on the bus, he could tell the man next to him was getting annoyed but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He felt so guilty. All of them did but at least they weren’t cowards like him. At least they didn’t storm out of the hospital room as soon as they caught sight of their hyung.

It had just been too much. Seeing the normally energetic Kim Seokjin strapped to so many machines by wires and tubes. It was so wrong. Of course he had noticed Seokjin losing weight and practically deteriorating in front of their eyes but seeing him like that, so fragile. It made it real.

He cursed when he realised he’d missed his stop and got up from his seat, accidentally hitting the man beside him with his jacket. He got of the bus and started walking towards the dorms, relieved it wasn’t too far. He checked his pockets for his keys and luckily he had them on him.

He hesitated slightly by the front door before he pushed it open. The apartment was too empty, to quiet. He didn’t like it. He walked up the stairs and saw the bathroom door open, the bathroom where Seokjin had nearly died. He walked over slowly, as if afraid. He was afraid. Someone had cleaned the bathroom but still he got attacked by images of what it looked like that night. He stumbled back into the opposite wall and slid down it. He hid his face in his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. He let himself cry, large, ugly sobs that echoed around the apartment. 

This was all so _wrong._

* * *

Jungkook was watching his hyungs chest rise and fall. It was as if he thought he’d stop breathing if he looked away for even a second.

_“Kookie you don’t have to be so careful around me.” Seokjin laughed, “I’m not made of glass you know.”_

_“They said you bruise really easily now, I saw your arm this morning. It looked like a rainbow.”_

_“It’s not dangerous, my blood vessels just break a little easier now.”_

_“Well I don’t like it.” Jungkook knew he sounded like a kid but he didn’t know what else to say._

_“Don’t worry about me, hyung will be fine.” Seokjin smiled like nothing was wrong, “I promise.”_

Jungkook was startled out of his thoughts by the door opening. A petite nurse walked in with a chart telling him she was just checking on the patient. Jungkook had really come to hate when they called Seokjin a patient, like they saw him as nothing but a person with an illness, his hyung was so much more than that. He watched as she looked at the machines and pressed some buttons on the I.V pole before leaving the room to deal with the next patient.

“You promised me you’d be fine.” Jungkook was shocked by how broken his voice sounded, “Why did you lie?”


	13. Chapter 13

Seokjin woke up four days ago. It was only for a minute but Taehyung finally felt his heartbeat slow after the two week sprint he’d had. He woke up for longer and longer each time and now he was sat up in his bed, smiling softly at Jimin’s childhood story. Taehyung couldn’t listen to what they were saying, too happy to focus on the words they were uttering. The infection had cleared up two days ago and but he still looked too weak. 

He watched as Jimin helped Seokjin lay back on the bed, fluffing his pillow and pulling his blankets up to his chin much to the eldest amusement.

“I feel like a kid.” he chuckled, “Thank you Jimin-ah.” 

“Should we head out for lunch Tae?” Jimin asked softly, standing up and pulling on his coat.

“I wanna speak to hyung for a bit longer if that’s okay?” Jimin simply nodded and slipped out the door, telling him he’d wait outside.

“What’s up Taehyung?” Seokjin asked softly as he pressed the button on the bed to make it go a bit upright.

Taehyung hesitated. He didn’t know how to word all the things he wanted to say, so he settled on the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I am too.” Seokjin smiled, “Sorry I worried you guys.”

“I was really scared, you looked dead when the paramedics wheeled you into the ambulance and Yoongi was really out of it, he was covered in your blood and vomit and he was a complete mess. We all were.” Taehyung could feel tears running down his face but he didn't try to stop them from coming, “I mean Jungkook and Hoseok got into a fucking fistfight and Namjoon couldn’t be still, he even cried and he never cries when we need him to be strong. God, that sounds selfish but I really needed him to be strong.”

“Hey, hey! calm down,” Seokjin reached out to grab his hand and Taehyung gripped it tightly, “it’s okay, I’m better now.”

Taehyung took a deep breath and wiped his face with his sleeve, “I was a coward.”

The grip on his hand tightened, “You’re not a coward, there’s nothing wrong with being scared and upset.”

“I didn’t come to see you.”

“What?” Seokjin sounded confused.

“Before they told me you were getting better I couldn’t bring myself to come see you.” he sniffled and pulled his hand free to cover his face, “What if you hadn’t made it and I didn’t come to see you? Wha.. what if you died hyung? What would we do then?”

“Don’t think about “what ifs” Taehyungie, there’s no point in those thoughts. Let’s focus on the now.” Seokjin pried his hands free and gripped them tightly in is, “I’m okay and in just a week I’ll be coming home to you guys and everything will be fine.”

It took awhile for Taehyung to calm down but eventually he did. He gave Seokjin a hug and left him to rest. If Jimin noticed his puffy eyes and blotchy face he didn’t mention it and simply told him he’d buy them lunch before heading back to the dorms.

* * *

Jungkook was standing in the waiting room, the plastic chairs far too uncomfortable to sit on. Apparently Seokjin was getting a sponge bath. The thought usually would have made him laugh at the crude implications but now it just made him sad, his hyung was too weak to even clean himself. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by someone clearing their throat, he turned to face them and was met by Hoseok. The bruise on his cheek long gone but the image was forever imprinted in his mind. They hadn’t really talked in these past few weeks and if Jungkook was honest with himself he had kind of avoided the older man.

“Hey.” Hoseok said softly walking over to him.

“Hey,” Jungkook nodded in greeting, “you here to see Seokjin-hyung too.”

“Yeah, who else?” Hoseok chuckled before sitting down.  


Jungkook hesitated slightly but sat down next to the other man. He really needed to apologize but that had never been his strong suit. He opened his mouth several times but the words refused to come out, he probably looked like a fish out of water. 

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok said suddenly.

“So am I.” Jungkook mumbled.

“For punching me or for avoiding me?” Hoseok asked but fortunately Jungkook detected no malice in his tone.

“Both.” Jungkook fiddled nervously with the sleeves on his jumper, “I was really angry and scared and then when I calmed down I was ashamed. I... I don’t know why I get so violent.”

“It’s because you never give yourself an outlet,” Hoseok answered even though Jungkook hadn’t even realised he was looking for an answer, “the rest of us let ourselves cry, but you don’t. You just bottle it up until you explode, either with words or your fists.”

“I’m really sorry hyung.”

“I forgive you,” Hoseok wrapped an arm around him and Jungkook didn’t hesitate to lean into the embrace, “do you forgive me?”

“Of course!” 

“It was my fault though,” Jungkook pulled away slightly to look at Hoseok in confusion, “I just dropped a bomb on you guys. It was a really bad timing to tell you about his family.”

“That still doesn’t mean I should have punched you.” Jungkook scoffed, “Why didn’t he tell us though, I mean when it happened?”

“He said it was because we were on tour.”

“That’s not an excuse!”

“That’s what I said too!” Hoseok exclaimed, “I think it was because of us, all of us, he didn’t want us to worry.”

“Yeah… that seems to be hyung’s motto.” Jungkook sighed and leaned into Hoseok’s side again.

* * *

Namjoon hesitated slightly at the door to Seokjin’s hospital room. He knew exactly what Seokjin wanted Namjoon to do when he asked him to bring him an arrangement of beanies, razors and a shaver. He wanted him to shave his hair. Not that there was much left, but still, it felt wrong to finally do it.

He took a breath and entered the room to see Seokjin sitting in a chair by the window and smiled at how pretty he looked in the light from warm spring day. He turned and smiled softly at him and Namjoon pulled up the second chair and sat down beside him.

“You brought the razors?”

Namjoon held the bag up and nodded, “Yeah, you wanna do it right away?”

“Better to get it over and done with.” 

He smiled and stood up, he swayed slightly so Namjoon quickly steadied him and led him to the bathroom and sat him down on the closed toilet seat. He pulled out the razors and handed the bag of beanies to Seokjin so he could look at them while Namjoon opened the packages. When he had everything ready Namjoon pulled in one of the chairs and was grateful it was such a big bathroom. 

When Seokjin was finally seated and leaning over the sink Namjoon plugged in the shaver and brought it to Seokjin’s head. In a few quick swipes the hair was gone and Namjoon went to work cleaning the shave up with the razors. He rinsed the older mans now completely bald head and dried it gently with a towel. 

“Huh.” Seokjin ran his hand over his head, “It’s all gone now.”

“Yeah, it is.” Namjoon simply agreed, feeling slightly awkward at the lack of reaction from the older man.

“I’m still worldwide handsome, right?” Seokjin said cheekily as Namjoon led him back to his bed.

“Of course hyung.” Namjoon chuckled and turned back to the bathroom.

Namjoon flushed down the hair he’d gathered from the sink and packed away the stuff. He grabbed the discarded bag of beanies and walked back into the room. Seokjin was holding up his phone and looked at himself in the camera, stroking his head. Namjoon pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed.

“I guess this is why they have no mirrors in hospitals.” Seokjin’s voice had lost the cheeky tone it held earlier and Namjoon frowned slightly, “It looks better than before though, not as patchy.”

“Want to pick out a beanie?” Namjoon asked, russling the bag hoping to gauge a reaction.

“You pick.” Seokjin said distractically, still looking at himself.

Namjoon hummed a little and choose the pastel pink one, hoping the soft color would help somehow. He silently put it on Seokjin’s head and pulled the phone out of his hand, placing it face down on the bedside table. Namjoon pushed Seokjin back onto the bed and felt ashamed at the relief he felt at the older mans drooping eyes. He could deal with sad and angry and happy Seokjin, but this Seokjin was simply… _numb._ He didn’t know how to deal with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided I'm going to make two different endings, one where Seokjin doesn't make it and one where he does because I am unable to make decisions.  
> xoxo


	14. Chapter 14

They had all noticed the slump Seokjin was in, at first Hoseok just assumed it was because he’d been stuck in the hospital for so long but he had been allowed home a week ago and he was still so distant. He spent most of his time on the balcony, wrapped in several blankets despite the spring warmth. Hoseok had caught him looking at old pictures of himself and had made a point to hide the eldest phone from him but it somehow kept finding its way back to him.

He wasn’t completely distant though, there were times where he seemed to forget what he was upset about. Like now for example, as he watched the three youngest act out famous movie scenes and having him guess the title of the film. Hoseok felt bad because he had to be the one to pull him away to take him back to the hospital. Seokjin hadn’t been getting chemo these last few weeks since his body wouldn’t have been able to handle it, but today it was back to business. Back to the old routine.

“Is it time?” Seokjin looked up at him from his seat on the couch.

“Yeah.” 

Hoseok walked up to him and led him out to the hall. He didn’t miss the dejected looks on the three youngest faces as they saw Seokjin’s smile slip from his face, once again replaced by the indifferent expression it had held over the past week. Hoseok tied the older man's shoes silently and nodded at the quiet thank you he got. 

The car ride was silent but Hoseok didn’t do anything to try and alleviate the tension. He noticed how Seokjin’s clenched fist seemed to get tighter and tighter with each turn they took and by the time they arrived at the hospital his knuckles were completely white. They walked slowly to the oncology department, Seokjin obviously hated being back at the hospital and if Hoseok was honest with himself he hated it just as much, if not more.

* * *

As soon as Seokjin was settled in for his treatment he sent Hoseok to go get them some drinks and snacks. He couldn’t stand the worried look painted on the younger man’s face, really, he couldn’t stand to look at any of his members. They all looked good, healthy, while he was here, barely even a shell of what he used to be. He was well aware that he looked better bald than he had with the patchy mess he’d been donning for weeks prior but it seemed like his hair being gone served as a wakeup call. That he was ugly now. It was no secret that Seokjin was proud of his appearance but he had never realised just how much he actually cared about it, until now.

The door to the room opened and a girl in a wheelchair rode up to him. It took him a little too long to realise it was Jisoo, she looked so different from the last time he’d seen her. She had been skinny and frail the first time he met her but now she looked like a skeleton in the too large hospital gown, legs wrapped in blankets.

“Hey there stranger.” at least her smile was still as vibrant as before.

“Hey Jisoo,” he couldn’t muster up a smile but fortunately his tone wasn’t as cold as he felt, “how are you?”

“Not great, my treatment isn’t working anymore so.” her voice trailed off.

“Oh no, I’m sorry.” Seokjin frowned, grabbing her hand.

“It’s okay, I’ve had a good run and I’ve come to terms with it.” she smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“How long do you have?”

“Around two or three weeks.” she squeezed his hand when she noticed his eyes well up with tears, “It’s okay Seokjin, I’m really tired so as crazy as it sounds I’m kind of relieved.”

It didn’t sound crazy to Seokjin, he was equally exhausted and he’d be lying if he hadn’t thought about how ending it would have relieved him of all this pain. He was about to respond when the door opened and Hoseok came in, carrying far more bags of snacks than Seokjin had asked for. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Jisoo before striding over and giving her a gentle hug.

“Hey.” he smiled at her as he sat down next to them, “How you feeling?”

“Been better.” she said simply and if Hoseok's somber smile was anything to go by he seemed to already know about the situation.

Seokjin listened to Jisoo and Hoseok talk until a nurse came to collect Jisoo to get her back to her room. Shortly after another nurse came in to finish Seokjin’s treatment and finally they were allowed to leave. Seokjin had intended for the car ride back to be just as awkward as the one there but he decided his curiosity must be staved.

“You know she’s dying?” 

“Yeah,” Hoseok let his eyes shift from the road for a second to look at Seokjin before he continued, “I saw her on one of the days I was visiting you at the hospital and she told me. She’s dealing with it better than she did that day.”

Any other day Seokjin would have asked Hoseok how he was dealing with it but he just didn’t have the energy to ask. That probably made him a horrible person but he just didn’t care. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence and as soon as they got back to the dorms Seokjin grabbed a bucket and a bottle of water and headed to his room.

* * *

It took some planning and a lot of convincing to get them all to the beach. To Namjoon’s surprise it hadn’t been Seokjin who had been the biggest issue, it had been Yoongi and Jungkook. They had been on edge around Seokjin since he’d been discharged and strongly voiced their dislike for the idea to go to the beach. They claimed it was far too cold and they didn’t want to risk Seokjin’s already compromised immune system. Finally it had been Seokjin’s small giggle at their fuss that made them come around.

_“I've has promised him several times that I'd him bring to the beach,” Namjoon had smirked at them as he played his trump card, “I know how you two are with promises… You wouldn’t want me to break my promise, now would you?”_

So here they were, gathered around a small campfire that Namjoon had been forbidden to help build. They were grilling sausages on sticks and just joking around. Namjoon noticed Seokjin wasn’t as animated as he used to be but at least he wasn’t as distant as he’d been over the past week, even joining in on the conversation a few times.

They had brought some soju with them, enough for all seven of them but because Namjoon opted to drive them home he didn’t drink. Seokjin didn’t drink either since he didn’t feel great after his chemo the day before. That’s how they ended up on the log by the fire as the others ran around playing on the beach. Even Yoongi joined them in their shenanigans much to the remaining two’s amusement. He smiled softly at their antics and Seokjin was leaning his head against Namjoons shoulder and Namjoon felt him shake with laughter every once in a while.

“Thank you Namjoon.” he whispered softly, “I really needed this.”

Namjoon simply hummed in agreement, “I could tell. You’ve been really down these past few days.”

“Yeah,” Seokjin’s voice trailed off slightly, “it’s just been a lot and shaving my hair seemed like the last straw.”

“You can talk to me when things get rough, I’ll always be here for you.” Namjoon wrapped his arm around the older man.

“I know,” Seokjin snuggled up to him, “thank you.”

“You know, you remind me of the ocean.” Namjoon said after a beat of silence.

Seokjin simply hummed in response.

“You are so pretty but so much more than that too. You’re deep and mysterious. Hiding so much, but every once in a while a wave will come in to touch my feet. Letting me know you, the real you.”  


“You really are a poet.” Seokjin pulled away to look at him and Namjoon hoped the dark of the night hid the blush on his face.

_“You make me wanna drown just so I can be embraced by you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not a big fan of this chapter but I really just want to finish this story soon so I'm sorry if it's getting a bit shit :/  
> I do like the last part since I got to incorporate a part of a poem I've been writing :)  
> xoxo


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took so long to update but I've been having a really rough time this past week :/   
> The story is almost finnished though, only three chapters left that so this story will finally be complete by the end of this week if it goes as planned xoxo

Taehyung was scared, there was no other way to describe it. Yoongi had come back alone from Seokjin’s third treatment since he’d been discharged. He’d told them with tears in his eyes that Seokjin had fainted. It wouldn’t have been so bad if only Yoongi hadn’t continued the story, telling them Seokjin had woken up just a minute later and said he wanted to stay at the hospital overnight. Seokjin hated the hospital, even before his four week stay there and now he choose to stay. That meant he felt really bad.

Taehyung had been ready to go see him right away but Yoongi stopped him with a hand firmly on his chest, telling him he was probably just going to sleep. Jungkook had stormed to his room and Hoseok had followed him. Jimin looked unsure but Yoongi simply pulled him along to his room to talk. Taehyung had stepped out on the balcony and heard Namjoon follow him out.

“I’ve started to refer to the balcony as Seokjin’s spot.” Namjoon said after a while and Taehyung nodded in agreement, if you were ever looking for the oldest member this was the first place you’d look.

“Does this mean he’s bad again?” Taehyung didn’t mean for his voice to sound so small.

“No, he was probably just really dizzy,” Namjoon placed a comforting hand on his thigh, “or maybe he just wanted to get away from us fussing over him all the time.”

Taehyung chuckled at that, they really had been overbearing these last few weeks. He made a mental note to tone it down a bit even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to as soon as he saw Seokjin’s tired form.

“I’m scared, I don’t want to lose him.”

“Neither do I,” Namjoon agreed, “I’m scared too you know, we all are.”

“You are?” 

Taehyung was surprised, Namjoon always seemed so composed. But maybe he shouldn’t be, he had seen their leader that night, he had been just as much of a mess as the rest of them. Jimin had to basically step up as temporary leader because of it.

“Of course,” it seemed so simple for him to admit it, “Seokjin told me that you called yourself a coward for not seeing him when he was ill. If I’m honest I wanted to do the same thing but Yoongi forced me to go see him.”

“At least you did it.”

“Still, if you’re a coward for having those thoughts then I am one too.” 

Taehyung shook his head but didn’t argue. Namjoon’s face would be next to the word hero in a dictionary while Taehyung’s would be plastered next to coward, weak and any synonyms to those words. He didn’t say that though because he didn’t want to hear arguments that he still wouldn’t believe.

* * *

Seokjin was tired, not to say he wasn’t always tired these days, but this exhaustion. It was different. It felt stronger, like it was bonedeep, he felt it in every step he took and every word he uttered. Maybe this was what dying felt like. Jisoo had described a similar feeling just last week.

She had passed away just two days ago. He hadn’t really reacted when her friend called to tell him but when he saw Hoseok and Taehyung’s eyes swim with tears he felt himself mirrored in them. They had hugged each other and cried, clinging to each other like their lives depended on it.

_“At least she isn’t suffering anymore.” Seokjin had whispered when they’d calmed down._

_“Yeah, she wasn’t really there in the end was she?” Hoseok had agreed, gently wiping Taehyung’s tears._

It was unfair. Jisoo didn’t deserve to have gone through the bullshit that was cancer, she was such a lovely person and she was ripped out of this world far too soon. Seokjin felt guilty when he felt jealousy bloom, he just wanted it all to be over. Either for them to declare him cancerfree or tell him that there was nothing they could do. He watched the clock on the wall tick towards a future that too uncertain, too abstract. Seokjin liked for things to be clear and concrete and his situation was anything but. 

He sighed and pulled the I.V pole with him to the chair by the window and took a seat. Ever since he’d been diagnosed he had found himself drawn to the outside world that he no longer felt part of. Looking out at the city from high above was strange, he saw things he never would down on the ground. He saw the way people rushed around, focused on their own problems, not even spearing a glance at their fellow humans. 

Maybe Seokjin himself wasn’t much better. He was so focused on his disease that he didn’t think to look out for his members, his brothers. He wasn’t sure if his end was near or not but he knew he needed to make sure his brothers were okay if it truly came to that. He couldn’t tell them that though, they’d be too upset and that was the last thing he wanted. Maybe he should write them some letters or maybe a few songs. He wanted to wrap them up in comforting words so that the world would never ever be able to hurt them. It’s ironic that it is him that is the one to hurt them the most, the worst part is that they’d never resent him for it. They love him far too much to do that.

* * *

Seokjin came home the next day and had all but pushed the boys out of the house, giving them directions to a fancy restaurant that he’d made reservations for them at. He needed to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

He sat at his desk and placed his camera on top of a couple books and took a deep breath. And then he pressed record and started speaking.

“I never thought I'd have to do this. It's such a cliche but I want to leave something behind for you guys even after I’m gone.”

* * *

Namjoon felt like he could blow up from how much he had eaten. He was sure that the restaurant would serve tiny portions since it was such a fancy establishment and had ordered three meals. He really shouldn’t have been surprised by the size of the courses since Seokjin spoke so highly of the restaurant. The older man sure knows how to eat.

He unlocked the door to let them all in and had intended to head straight to bed while the others either showered or decided to play some video games. But when he saw Seokjin and Yoongi’s door slightly ajar he decided to check on the older member. He knocked against the door and stepped inside, raising his eyebrows when Seokjin slammed his laptop shut at the speed of light.

“What do you have there?” Namjoon chuckled and stepped forward to grab the computer but Seokjin pushed his hands away.

“How was the food?” Seokjin distracted him and poked him in the stomach.

“So good, but damn, I ate way too much.” Namjoon said, rubbing his uneasy stomach, “How did you find that place?”

“I… uh,” Seokjin hesitated, “my father took me there for my twentieth birthday.”

“Oh... well I’ll bring you to an even better place for your next birthday.” Namjoon promised and helped walk Seokjin over to his bed and sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around him.

“Can you tell my family?” Seokjin asked after a beat of silence, leaning into him slightly.

“What?” Namjoon was confused.

“When I die, can you tell my family?” Seokjin had tears in his eyes.

“If.” Namjoon interrupted, he continued when he saw Seokjin's confused look, “If you die, not when.”

“Alright, if I die. Please tell them. I don’t want them to find out from the news, they at least deserve to hear it from someone who knew me.”

Namjoon could only nod in response, wrapping his arm tighter around the older man.


	16. Chapter 16

It happened suddenly, just like last time. During the day Seokjin had seemed fine, or as fine as a man with cancer could seem. He had been joking around and even had the energy to cook them all lunch. Then, during the night Yoongi was woken up by a loud thump, he immediately lurched upright to see Seokjin crumpled on the ground, breaths coming in gasps as he shook uncontrollably. 

Yoongi had quickly woken the others up with his loud scream and they had called for an ambulance. They had been sat in the waiting room for two hours but had stayed despite the nurses telling them they wouldn’t get to see him until visiting hours in the morning.

* * *

When Seokjin’s doctor came to tell them they were allowed to see their hyung before visiting hours Jungkook had been happy, elated even. But sat here, watching the eldest member hooked up to machines and a respirator he didn’t feel anything but sadness. The doctor probably allowed them in because their hyung didn’t have much time left. The thought made him want to throw up.

Jungkook wrapped both his gloved hands over Seokjin’s pale one.

“Seokjin-hyung,” Jungkook started, his voice barely above a whisper, “you’re strong. You can fight this okay? Even if you don’t believe it, please let my trust in you be enough. Because, hyung, I believe in you so much. More than I believe in myself so please fight this.”

_Please fight this._

* * *

Taehyung hesitated by the door to Seokjin’s hospital room but a strong hand on his shoulder and a few comforting words from Namjoon gave him the last push to press down the handle and open the door.

Seokjin looked weak, too weak. It became more and more apparent with each step he took closer to the bed. He sat down and forced his eyes to look at the older man’s chest, scared to see it unmoving. It was moving though and Taehyung let out a sigh of relief, ignoring the fact that the older man needed assistance to breathe easy.

“Hyung,” Taehyung’s voice wavered, “I came to see you this time so you better wake up and tell me how proud you are of me. We won’t be able to go on if we’re not embraced by your kindness so you gotta get up now.”

_Please get up._

* * *

Jimin sat in silence for about fifteen minutes, tears streaming down his face as he sobbed quietly. Last time had been so much more dramatic, with the blood and vomit, but this somehow felt worse. The fact that Seokjin had just collapsed and not woken up scared him, it was like his body was too weak to even show symptoms. 

Jimin wiped his eyes with a tissue and looked up at his hyungs face. He was as beautiful as always despite his shaved head and the tube from the respirator in his mouth. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be resting peacefully but that could be the cause of the meds pumped into his system.

“I love your eyes Seokjin-hyung and even though I saw them just last night at dinner I still miss them, a lot. So can you open your eyes for me? Just for a minute would be enough.”

_Please open your eyes._

* * *

It was bullshit, all of it, it was just bullshit. Namjoon clenched his fists, he wanted to blame someone, anyone really. But this, all of it, was no ones fault and it made it all the more horrible. It was so out of anyone's control and there was nothing he could do to change it. He uncurled his fists and rose from his seat, leaning over Seokjin’s face to whisper to him.

“I can see how tired you are hyung. And I get it but please don’t give up. You have to keep fighting and eventually your energy will come back. Fight to live, and if you can’t fight for yourself then fight for us. We don’t want to live if you aren’t here with us.” he kissed Seokjin’s forehead through his face mask and walked out the room. 

_Please live Seokjin. Please live!_

* * *

Hoseok didn’t want to say anything but the nurse said that Seokjin’s situation at an all or nothing. Either he’d be okay or… he wouldn’t. Hoseok didn’t want to think about the second option but the nurse had said he should talk to the unconscious man, if not because it could be the last words he said to the man then because it might help him. It could guide him back to them. Hoseok would do anything to help bring Seokjin back to them, to him.

“You always refer to me as the sunshine of our group but that’s not true. You are so much brighter than me. Your presence is excitable but calming at the same time, I can only imagine how hard it must be to be the oldest but you make it look so easy. You bring so much to BTS as a group but even more to our family because that’s what we are, a family. It would be wrong for us to be a family without you around so you can’t leave us. I need you to stay here, with us.”

_Please don’t leave us, please don’t leave me._

* * *

“I really don’t want to say this,” Yoongi paused and looked down at his hand intertwined with Seokjin’s, “but I understand. I understand if this is too much for you. If you are too tired to go on.”

Yoongi wanted to pretend he hadn’t seen the tiredness in Seokjin’s eyes that weren’t physical. A tiredness that was far deeper, a tiredness that brought only pain and no relief. He could feel sadness embracing his entire body as he prepared himself to continue, tears already forming in his eyes.

“I know I made you promise not to die. That was selfish of me so I’m going to make it up to you.” Yoongi sniffled and a small sob escaped before he collected himself enough to keep speaking, “I relieve you of your promise. If you need to go, you’re allowed to. But I don’t want that, not at all. So please keep your promise, but know it’s okay if you can’t.”

_Please keep your promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is really rushed but I just want to make sure that I don't abandon this work so sorry it's so shit :/  
> I have the sad ending finished and is almost done with the happy one but I want to upload them at the same time so it might take a little while for those to be up  
> xoxo


	17. Sad ending - Seokjin dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter if you only want to read the ending where Seokjin doesn't make it. In the next chapter he does make it though.  
> It's been a roller coaster to write this and I'm proud of myself to have finally finished something even if I don't really like some parts of the story.  
> I hope you have enjoyed reading it though! xoxo

Seokjin spent three days in the hospital before his heart gave out. He was surrounded by his members as he took his final breath. The remaining six felt like he took all the air with him as they silently cried, clinging to the bed hoping for it all to just be a nightmare. But it wasn’t.

It was a month later that Namjoon got an email. It wouldn’t have been strange if it hadn’t been for the sender. Namjoon had quickly gathered the members in the living room and connecting his laptop to the TV. He opened the attached filmclip and the screen lit up with Seokjin’s face. He pressed play. 

“I never thought I'd have to do this. It's such a cliche but I want to leave something behind for you guys even after I’m gone.”

“Yoongi, my forever roommate. You told me a while ago that you weren’t sure that you’d be able to go on without me around, but i know you, and I know you’re strong. Even if you don't see it, know that everyone else does. I am so thankful for having had you in my life. Your passion has always inspired me as well as your silent kindness. You should let people see your soft side more, it doesn't mean you’re weak if you let someone in. It makes you all the more strong. Ever since i first met you, when you were wearing that ugly hat,” Seokjin laughed slightly and the boys couldn't help but laugh along with him, “your talent has always been so impressive, your way of making words and music turn into emotion, true emotion, it's amazing. Your words have touched so many lives, mine being one of them, so thank you for that, my forever roommate.”

“Hoseok, our eternal sunshine. You are one of the most talented people i know, your singing and rapping is unparalleled, I shouldn't even have to mention your dancing. But I must be honest with you, the thing I love the most about you, and there is a lot, is your happiness. You have always been someone you can turn to if you’ve had a bad day. Your smile could light up a whole arena, I really don't know why we have all those lights, they just make us all sweaty, when we have you right there next to us.” Seokjin laughed again, but Hoseok could only muster up a teary smile as he looked at the screen, “Some of my favourite memories have been of us, working late in the studio with you helping me with the choreography. You never got mad at me, i don't think i ever told you how much that meant to me. If you hadn’t been so kind to me during those times, I probably would have left BTS, so thank you Hoseok for being such a patient and happy soul.”

“Namjoon, our leader. Without you none of this would have been real, without your drive and your passion we never would have made it. But i must say, to me you are far more than a leader, you are my little brother who I personally believe has an immortal soul. No one as young as you should be able to be so wise. You have made me believe in reincarnation, I hope to come back as someone who gets to see all of you again, i hope to come back as someone wiser and if i do, ill know its thanks to have known you. Please keep going after i'm gone, it would be a loss to the whole world to have you keep your art to yourself. But promise me not to push too far, to not become icarus. You should stay on the ground but aim your arrow to the stars, I'll be up there to watch you hit your mark. Thank you Namjoon, for everything you have given me.”

“Jimin,” his voice seemed to get stuck in his throat and his eyes looked teary, “god I knew you maknaes would be the hardest to say goodbye to. Jimin, you are so talented. I know i've said it a lot before but you deserve to hear it thousands of more times. I wish for you to be more confident, you are so talented, so beautiful and so kind, please never forget that. Hearing you laugh never fails to make me smile, and seeing you sad makes me want to cry. How can the world be so cruel as to make my little Jimin-ah sad, you should stand up to the world and smile even if it's crashing around you. You can be the pillar that we can rebuild the world around. Thank you Jimin, for being such an amazing person and for letting me laugh and cry with you. You have to promise me something though, Jimin promise me that you’ll take care of yourself, that you won't fall back into your old habits, promise me this and I can rest in peace.”

“I promise.” Jimin said softly, wiping tears of his face. “I promise you, hyung.”

“Taehyung, our very own goofball.” Seokjin chuckled slightly, his gaze far away as if he was recalling a memory, “You are a strange person, but that's what I love about you. You are so talented, you can sing, dance and even act. I wish I could have gotten to see you in more dramas but I know you’ll always excel, as in everything you do. I must admit something to you, I was really jealous when you got the part on Hwarang but as soon as i saw your bright smile the jealousy went away because you were so happy. I couldn’t be more proud of you. Thank you Taehyung for being such a bright part of my life. I’m going to ask something of you as well. I want you to excel at everything you do, but promise me you’ll never lose your strange personality, promise me you’ll keep being you.”

“Jungkook, my youngest brother. I met you when you were only fifteen. It has been my greatest privilege to see you grow into the amazing man you are today. I hope I can take at least a portion of the credit there,” Seokjin winked at the camera, and Jungkook gave a small nod in return, “I mean I’ve used my credit card quite a few times to feed you through your growth spurts.” Seokjin laughed slightly, as did everyone else, before he returned to being serious, “Jungkook, your nickname of being the golden maknae is not an exaggeration by any means. You are so gifted and you’ve sacrificed so much for our dreams, I can't thank you enough for that. I know you don’t like to show when you’re hurt or upset, but please show your members, BTS is a family and family takes care of each other. I’m not going to be able to be around to make sure you’re okay anymore so you’ve gotta help your hyungs to take care of you. I know they all want to take care of you. Jungkook please keep growing but never forget to be childish as well, there's no harm in having fun. You taught me that.”

“So i guess this is goodbye, albeit one sided but you’ll just have to deal. I want to say a thank you to all of you. Each of you have made my life all the more enriched and bright. I may have been the oldest but you have all taught me so much and I can’t thank you enough for that. I love you so much and I’m sorry I had to leave so soon. Please keep going, you still have each other, never forget that. BTS is a family and family takes care of each other, so take care of each other.” he made a cheeky heart with his thumb and forefinger before waving with a loving smile on his face, and then the screen cut to black.


	18. Happy ending - Seokjin survives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the ending where Seokjin survives!  
> I hope you've enjoyed this story! xoxo

Yoongi had really come to hate the hospital, not that he loved it before, but too much had happened here that he never wanted to see the bright halls ever again. Seokjin had spent almost two months in the hospital after he collapsed in their bedroom. That was almost three months ago now and he had been put on a different treatment plan since then. That’s why Yoongi was here now, Seokjin had an appointment with his doctor about his test results and Yoongi felt anxiety rise up inside of him. The older man had only been in the doctor's office for about half an hour but it felt like an eternity. Why was it taking so long? And why wasn’t Yoongi allowed in there? 

He was startled out of his thoughts as the door opened and Seokjin walked out with his eyes completely empty. He stumbled slightly and Yoongi placed his strong hands on him to steady the taller man. He looked up at his face and was shocked to see tears forming in his eyes.

“Hyung?” Yoongi would have been embarrassed by the way his voice cracked but couldn’t care less at the moment, “Hyung what’s wrong?”

Seokjin’s body seemed to lose all strength and they both ended up kneeled on the floor, clutching onto each other.

“Nothing,” Seokjin laughed, sound nearing hysterical, “nothing is wrong Yoongi-ah. I kept my promise.”

“What?”

“I’m in remission. They found no cancerous cells in my latest biopsy.” Yoongi could feel tears of relief form in his eyes.

“You- you don’t have cancer anymore?” 

Seokjin nodded so fast yoongi was afraid he might snap his neck so he wrapped his arms around him again and hugged him tight

_You kept your promise. I knew you would._

* * *

When Seokjin and Yoongi came home they found the rest of the members gathered in the living room. They stood in the doorway simply watching their oblivious brothers bickering over lunch. They looked so normal and Seokjin couldn’t wait to share the news with them. Things were finally going to go back to normal. Not immediately of course, but eventually. No more chemo or biopsies. A couple checkups and a routine of medicine to help his body recover but other than that, things were going to get better again.

“Oh hyungs!” Jimin exclaimed as he noticed the two eldest members, “You’re back, how did the appointment go.”

Seokjin looked at Yoongi and saw tears forming in the younger man’s eyes. His own eyes weren’t fairing much better and when he turned to look at the rest of them he saw a mixture of confused and worried expressions.

“He kept his promise.” Yoongi mumbled but it did nothing to erase the confused looks on the others faces.

“I’m in remission.” 

Seokjin thought the room would erupt in cheers of happiness and that he’d get tackled with hugs but it seemed like the others were too shocked to react. They sat there, mouths open and looking like question marks. 

“Did you hear what he said?” Yoongi laughed at their stunned state.

“You don’t have cancer anymore?” Taehyung gasped.

The nod Seokjin sent them seemed to spur the reaction he was expecting and they all gathered around him in a mess of a hug. Seokjin could hear some of them mumbling but couldn’t make out the words over their sniffling. 

He felt himself get picked up and deposited on the couch and soon enough they ended up cuddling on the couch. How seven grown men managed to do that Seokjin wasn’t sure but BTS was known for making the unimaginable a reality. 

It was an hour or so later when Seokjin recalled the video he had recorded for them. He still wanted them to hear what he had to say so he managed to untangle himself to grab his laptop. He quickly plugged it into the TV and looked at the others confused faces with a fond smile.

“A couple months back,” he started, “when I thought I wouldn’t make it I made a goodbye video for you guys to be sent by one of my friends to you after I died. But I feel like you still need to see it. You shouldn’t leave things unsaid in such an uncertain world.”

He pulled up the video and pressed play, settling back on the couch.

“I never thought I'd have to do this. It's such a cliche but I want to leave something behind for you guys even after I’m gone.”

“Yoongi, my forever roommate. You told me a while ago that you weren’t sure that you’d be able to go on without me around, but i know you, and I know you’re strong. Even if you don't see it, know that everyone else does. I am so thankful for having had you in my life. Your passion has always inspired me as well as your silent kindness. You should let people see your soft side more, it doesn't mean you’re weak if you let someone in. It makes you all the more strong. Ever since i first met you, when you were wearing that ugly hat,” the Seokjin on the screen laughed slightly and the boys couldn't help but laugh along with him, “your talent has always been so impressive, your way of making words and music turn into emotion, true emotion, it's amazing. Your words have touched so many lives, mine being one of them, so thank you for that, my forever roommate.”

“Hoseok, our eternal sunshine. You are one of the most talented people i know, your singing and rapping is unparalleled, I shouldn't even have to mention your dancing. But I must be honest with you, the thing I love the most about you, and there is a lot, is your happiness. You have always been someone you can turn to if you’ve had a bad day. Your smile could light up a whole arena, I really don't know why we have all those lights, they just make us all sweaty, when we have you right there next to us.” Seokjin on screen laughed again and Hoseok wrapped his arm around the physical version of him, “Some of my favourite memories have been of us, working late in the studio with you helping me with the choreography. You never got mad at me, i don't think i ever told you how much that meant to me. If you hadn’t been so kind to me during those times, I probably would have left BTS, so thank you Hoseok for being such a patient and happy soul.”

“Namjoon, our leader. Without you none of this would have been real, without your drive and your passion we never would have made it. But i must say, to me you are far more than a leader, you are my little brother who I personally believe has an immortal soul. No one as young as you should be able to be so wise. You have made me believe in reincarnation, I hope to come back as someone who gets to see all of you again, i hope to come back as someone wiser and if i do, ill know its thanks to have known you. Please keep going after i'm gone, it would be a loss to the whole world to have you keep your art to yourself. But promise me not to push too far, to not become icarus. You should stay on the ground but aim your arrow to the stars, I'll be up there to watch you hit your mark. Thank you Namjoon, for everything you have given me.”

“Jimin,” the voice from the speakers seemed to get stuck in his throat and his eyes looked teary, “god I knew you maknaes would be the hardest to say goodbye to. Jimin, you are so talented. I know i've said it a lot before but you deserve to hear it thousands of more times. I wish for you to be more confident, you are so talented, so beautiful and so kind, please never forget that. Hearing you laugh never fails to make me smile, and seeing you sad makes me want to cry. How can the world be so cruel as to make my little Jimin-ah sad, you should stand up to the world and smile even if it's crashing around you. You can be the pillar that we can rebuild the world around. Thank you Jimin, for being such an amazing person and for letting me laugh and cry with you. You have to promise me something though, Jimin promise me that you’ll take care of yourself, that you won't fall back into your old habits, promise me this and I can rest in peace.”

Jimin reached over and grabbed Seokjin’s hand, silent tears running down his face.

“Taehyung, our very own goofball.” a chuckle was heard from the speakers and the pixilated Seokjin’s gaze seemed far away as if he was recalling a memory, “You are a strange person, but that's what I love about you. You are so talented, you can sing, dance and even act. I wish I could have gotten to see you in more dramas but I know you’ll always excel, as in everything you do. I must admit something to you, I was really jealous when you got the part on Hwarang but as soon as i saw your bright smile the jealousy went away because you were so happy. I couldn’t be more proud of you. Thank you Taehyung for being such a bright part of my life. I’m going to ask something of you as well. I want you to excel at everything you do, but promise me you’ll never lose your strange personality, promise me you’ll keep being you.”

“Jungkook, my youngest brother. I met you when you were only fifteen. It has been my greatest privilege to see you grow into the amazing man you are today. I hope I can take at least a portion of the credit there,” Seokjin winked at the camera and Jungkook laughed, leaning back against Seokjin’s legs and looked up at him with teary eyes, “I mean I’ve used my credit card quite a few times to feed you through your growth spurts.” the Seokjin on screen laughed slightly, as did everyone else, before he returned to being serious, “Jungkook, your nickname of being the golden maknae is not an exaggeration by any means. You are so gifted and you’ve sacrificed so much for our dreams, I can't thank you enough for that. I know you don’t like to show when you’re hurt or upset, but please show your members, BTS is a family and family takes care of each other. I’m not going to be able to be around to make sure you’re okay anymore so you’ve gotta help your hyungs to take care of you. I know they all want to take care of you. Jungkook please keep growing but never forget to be childish as well, there's no harm in having fun. You taught me that.”

“So i guess this is goodbye, albeit one sided but you’ll just have to deal. I want to say a thank you to all of you. Each of you have made my life all the more enriched and bright. I may have been the oldest but you have all taught me so much and I can’t thank you enough for that. I love you so much and I’m sorry I had to leave so soon. Please keep going, you still have each other, never forget that. BTS is a family and family takes care of each other, so take care of each other.” he made a cheeky heart with his thumb and forefinger before waving with a loving smile on his face, and then the screen cut to black.

They were all teary eyed and in some way touching their oldest brother. They didn’t say anything for a while until Seokjin managed to compose himself.

“That was really cheesy I know,” he laughed slightly and looked at each member, “I love you guys so much.”

“We love you too.” the rest of them chorused.


End file.
